Here are highlights from blogs over the last several days that we would have discussed if….
The jury is still out. Before I give my verdict, here’s an email from a reader, Sonia:
How many times have we as women cried over some man while he made us look like a fool?
All this talk of Elizabeth Edwards and her new book had me thinking about how a woman can take back her power after an affair. Elizabeth Edwards is making the media rounds to promote her new book Resilience. In it she discusses the affair John Edwards had during their marriage among other things. At first I thought she was a woman scorned b/c she kept on rehashing the affair. Then it hit me!! She is taking back her power and letting him know that he is no longer in control of her destiny.
She is making John suffer just as much as she has suffered b/c of this “mistake” that he made…again and again. By writing this book, Elizabeth lets out the hurt and pain. But she also is stepping into the world of an Alphanista by turning her misery into money honey. These books will be flying off the shelves quickly b/c who doesn’t love a juicy tell all book.
And she will be rolling to the bank. (Not sure if John Edwards gets to revel in her profits). This just goes to show you that sometimes, an Alphanista is born through circumstance. Obviously, what hasn’t killed Elizabeth Edwards, has made her stronger. Bravo ELizabeth! What can we learn from this? Well we can learn to use what seems like a something worthless and turn it into something worthwhile and take it to the bank!
An alphanista can definitely be born through circumstance. What Edwards did well was turn her story into a legacy, a profitable one, and have her say. Fine. That’s important. I have a feeling that most of the profits will go the kids’ trustfunds, anyway. She’s probably thinking that her husband is young enough, handsome enough, and desirable enough to get another wife after she dies. She wants to protect her children. Usually when these husbands move on, they sometimes get so mesmerized by another woman she virtually robs him blind (probably, another alphanista!).
Anyway, what I don’t agree with is Edwards’ perceived venom for this other woman and baby. She needs to just accept her husband has a child out there with another woman. It happens. Make peace. Invite the woman and child over, have a big family pow wow, draw up some papers, and take control. How can she have anything that belongs to her husband out there in the world without loving it too? That struck me as a little self righteous, and frankly I was disappointed.
So, I think Edwards needs a little bit more refinement before she gets inducted into the Alphanista Hall Of Fame. An seasoned alphanista would have had the DNA tests done by now. Papers written up. She, at the helm, as big-mama, making sure it all comes together somehow. The only victim here is the baby. The rest of them, have to sleep in the bed they made.
Okay, so we heard about his Father’s Day speech calling on black fathers that got many people’s feathers ruffled, including Jesse Jackson’s. But what about if he gave that speech to white fathers? What if instead of Black in America, we can have specials on White in America. I received an email this morning. Here’s an excerpt of the article w/some real statistics:
Last week, there was some major news about a sister who blasted her millionaire sugar daddy on some NYC billboards.
It was an 8 year affair and he, the CEO of Oracle and a member of the Obama administration, broke it off recently. As expected, she blacked out. Women cheered her on as a woman scorned and the man got what he deserved. However, the only loser is this mistress. This man is still married, and now his wife knows that her husband wasn’t lying about how crazy is this mistress. Next, they’ll both take out a restraining order out on her and she’ll end up in a straight jacket–no man, no love, no babies, just her damn billboards. What did she do with all that money she was getting? I do hope she banked some of it. And ladies, the point of getting this money is to meet a single suitor in the meantime, not to be faithful to your married man.
He was certainly thinking about his future, she was not.
Recently, I read an article on Huffington Post about divorce.
That will be the LAST article I read about how bad marriage is…period. It’s like there this effort out there to completely destroy the image of marriage. Well, let me just say. To be in a union is ingrained in our DNA. The marketing of it over the last several years has been destructive and careless. But it will never stop people from wanting it. Even if they have to go off somewhere and start their own little colony.
Here’s a snippet:
Wives who counted on a spouse for fulfillment and sustenance were often angry and lonely. And the happiest wives don’t spend a whole lot of time with their husbands.
This is so much bull. Why wouldn’t a happy wife want to spend time with her husband? Where is the time being spent? Some private time is always important, but that is organic and happens on its own. But to send this message that happy wives don’t spent alot of time with their husbands is out of context. Has it been negotiated that time apart is okay? If so, then fine. But if people are just taking liberties to be away from their spouse to stay happy something is wrong. It’s selfish. And maybe they need to be alone.
Finally, the wives with the highest marital satisfaction have a tight circle of wild women friends with whom to drink, travel and vent about their husbands.
Who are these ladies? LOL. From my understanding, “wild women friends” are a problem. I don’t even like “wild women friends”. I rather travel with a husband than with girlfriends. Girlfriends can’t protect or lift heavy bags. They can only complain and have too many ideas that confuse the plans. This may work for some couples, but do believe it is not realistic or on a uniform basis. And venting about your man to a circle of “wild women”. Hell no. No wonder why men prefer women with little or no friends (or family for that matter!).
Please monitor what you read out there, because everything printed is not gold.
Is it just me, or does Lamar’s head looked photoshopped on this cover?
I have spent too many hours staring at a computer screen. So don’t mind me 🙂
(back to working on novel!)
It’s so easy to regurgitate the details from yesterday. And I won’t exactly, because it’s easy to find. Her Wikipedia story is not for children!
This woman meant business from early on, and was Alphanista-esque from the beginning. She plotted her way to the USA, did some dirty work, until she finally hit the jackpot. She’s very intelligent, and athletic, as we all saw. But what kind of man makes a woman want to be a “tiger wife”? The kind of man you would defend, throw yourself in front of the bus for? A very rare one indeed.
This kind of man is unique. He is far from perfect, maybe not even romantic. But you are his every and only priority. His sense of loyalty to you is raw and does not need explanation. The years together in deep, meaningful relationship with one another, through ups and downs have made it grow. He has seen you at the bitter worst, and still wants you. He’s proven himself early in the relationship to the lay the groundwork for your loyalty. There’s no question, he’s yours. Everything out of his mouth is about togetherness, we vs them. He is not phony, in fact he is brash, honest, plain.
He’s protective of you, but he lets you be your ever brilliant self and dares anyone to take issue.
But this man is very brutal, especially in business or work, and he’s a somewhat misunderstood genius. He may not be the best partner at times, but he owns up to it. He’s very successful and targeted by his many haters. He shares his fears and vulnerabilities with you. In fact, only you can see “the child” in him when others don’t.
That is when the tiger wife attacks. She doesn’t need rhyme or reason just the feeling of impending doom. She does not squander her graces for men who are careless, immature, sociopathic liars. They are too reckless, mindless, and she could end up in jail. But she will stand on her own, for her own when she has to.
If we make it past 2012, he will be the next black president in the running according to political analysts.
Mayor of Newark, Yale graduate and Rhodes Scholar, Booker has been on the scene for a minute. He’s in his late thirties, handsome, tall, and gallant. While he was running for mayor he lived in the projects of Newark, with an apartment number with a bell and everything, to get a sense of their issues. He had a phone, too, with an answering machine. How do I know? Well…
Many political folks are calling him the next contender. Obama, his friend, is supposed to be testing the waters for him. He’s been taking the heat for all the drama in Newark, but no one can deny that he’s helped that city rise from the dead. He’s survived several assassination attempts by gang members according to news reports. Question stands: Why isn’t this man married yet? I just don’t see America voting for a single president. A single president has no focus. A single president can blow up the world and have no thoughts of wife and children to consider. A single president needs sex with different women. Too much confusion. And we know how those Dems like to “date down”.
If he can find a wife, maybe get her pregnant, then I’d say he’d be ready for a run. He has everything else in order.
I nominate him for Alphanista’s Alpha Male Hall of Fame. What say ye? (This is a no brainer, ya’ll)
By Guest Blogger Jules Sinclair
I gave myself a few episodes of VH1 Let’s Talk About Pep, but all I learned was why so many women are by themselves.
It’s pretty pathetic. So, they’re gonna get dating help from a single dating coach at Essence? That’s like the blind leading the deaf, leading the blind would be too easy. This show should be a warning to younger gals on what to do to to AVOID getting to where these ladies are. I am all for looking for love at any age, but you can very well see the “issues” that landed these ladies single in the first place. Shall I run it down? Well, not here. But I will say that they are not role models of what it is to be single and black. How can you have a “Christian” like Jacque Reid considering having an out of wedlock child with a friend? Then there’s Pep, who is more like 20, instead of 40. Who wants to be that age going on first dates with men with S-curls?
I do wish these single ladies the best, and I will be watching. But being on a reality show and advertising the “crazy” is not a prescription for a husband, just more of the same (with a nicer car).
Jules Sinclair is a painter, newly single and living in NYC. She’s 26.
By Guest Blogger Wendy Coakley-Thompson
Chris Rock put us black women on blast with his new movie, Good Hair.
As you know, in the flick, he dishes about black women and all the ways that we try to tame their hair. In characteristic Chris Rock style, he explores, among other things, weaves, hair shows, and chemical relaxers – aka, “the creamy crack.”
During a lull on the job recently, I was talking to a white co-worker about Good Hair. Well, folks, when you’re part of a diversity posse in this age of Obama, sometimes you find yourself in the role of the Negro Consultant. The conversation shifted, and this co-worker, genuinely curious, suddenly asked me why black women get so mad when white people ask them questions about their hair. I chose to see that as a teachable moment. Hell, I’d rather that she’d asked me about my hair than just presumptuously reach out and touch it, like the crazy boss that I’d told you about. You remember…the one who sent her black subordinate a Facebook request?
Plus my co-worker was right. Why should we black women assume that white people would know anything about perms, or braids, or especially about sewing tracks for weaves? One black comedian talking about Madam C.J. Walker, the black woman who invented a special straightening comb, asked who else but a sistah would have done it? Still, if you can believe this, some black folks are mad at Chris Rock. One of my Examiner colleagues reported that the Internet is abuzz with folks accusing Chris Rock of presenting black women as shallow self-haters.
Personally, I ain’t mad at Chris Rock. In fact, I’m pleased. Because of him informing while entertaining, I may not get questions about how I wash my dreadlocks (umm… lather, rinse, repeat. Duh!). Or if I wash my dreadlocks (emphatically, yes, I do!). I’m thankful that Chris Rock is dispelling myths and revealing secrets about us.
Anybody who lightens my load as the Negro Consultant can get my twelve bucks at the movies any time.
Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Examiner.com. Check her out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6658-DC-Publishing-Industry-Examiner.