The jury is still out. Before I give my verdict, here’s an email from a reader, Sonia:
How many times have we as women cried over some man while he made us look like a fool?
All this talk of Elizabeth Edwards and her new book had me thinking about how a woman can take back her power after an affair. Elizabeth Edwards is making the media rounds to promote her new book Resilience. In it she discusses the affair John Edwards had during their marriage among other things. At first I thought she was a woman scorned b/c she kept on rehashing the affair. Then it hit me!! She is taking back her power and letting him know that he is no longer in control of her destiny.
She is making John suffer just as much as she has suffered b/c of this “mistake” that he made…again and again. By writing this book, Elizabeth lets out the hurt and pain. But she also is stepping into the world of an Alphanista by turning her misery into money honey. These books will be flying off the shelves quickly b/c who doesn’t love a juicy tell all book.
And she will be rolling to the bank. (Not sure if John Edwards gets to revel in her profits). This just goes to show you that sometimes, an Alphanista is born through circumstance. Obviously, what hasn’t killed Elizabeth Edwards, has made her stronger. Bravo ELizabeth! What can we learn from this? Well we can learn to use what seems like a something worthless and turn it into something worthwhile and take it to the bank!
An alphanista can definitely be born through circumstance. What Edwards did well was turn her story into a legacy, a profitable one, and have her say. Fine. That’s important. I have a feeling that most of the profits will go the kids’ trustfunds, anyway. She’s probably thinking that her husband is young enough, handsome enough, and desirable enough to get another wife after she dies. She wants to protect her children. Usually when these husbands move on, they sometimes get so mesmerized by another woman she virtually robs him blind (probably, another alphanista!).
Anyway, what I don’t agree with is Edwards’ perceived venom for this other woman and baby. She needs to just accept her husband has a child out there with another woman. It happens. Make peace. Invite the woman and child over, have a big family pow wow, draw up some papers, and take control. How can she have anything that belongs to her husband out there in the world without loving it too? That struck me as a little self righteous, and frankly I was disappointed.
So, I think Edwards needs a little bit more refinement before she gets inducted into the Alphanista Hall Of Fame. An seasoned alphanista would have had the DNA tests done by now. Papers written up. She, at the helm, as big-mama, making sure it all comes together somehow. The only victim here is the baby. The rest of them, have to sleep in the bed they made.
By Guest Blogger Te-Erika Patterson
People staring at me
What the hell are you looking at? You’ve never seen a raw ass b*tch with a short cut before?! Damn! Just go ahead and take out your camera and ask me for a picture while you’re at it!
People asking me for advice
What in the hell? Do I look like a counselor to you? I haven’t even made my first million yet- you’re the one driving the Beemer! Just because I don’t give a damn about what you think (and you wanna be more like that) doesn’t mean at any given moment I’m willing to listen to your problems and teach you how to think. Here’s my main piece of advice so you won’t have to ask me again. “F**k what they think about you!”
Dudes walking up to me with hard-on’s
Dude! Control your penis. Why in the hell are you introducing yourself to me and your ding-a-ling is about to poke me in the belly? Go BUY some kitty kat if it’s that serious. Just because you did that, I’m NEVER having sex with you!
Invitations to go party-hopping
Hell NO I’m not going to South Beach with you when we just met! I know you just want to show me off and pretend like you have a hot girlfriend when I am not even trying to give you any booty. Take it slow. Let me see that you deserve to have me as your trophy for an evening. Don’t think you can boost your star quality by rolling with me and you haven’t even paid any of my bills yet.
Women asking me to go shopping with them
The truth is— I hate to shop! I just throw on a mixture of stuff from my closet to create my signature style. I’m not your personal stylist. I am not going to the mall with you to help you put together your look. Create your own style and if you can’t, just go with the simple way to be glam. Buy a white wife beater and wear your favorite pair of jeans with a pair of heels (the color or style of heels doesn’t matter). Go inside the dollar store and find the craziest pair of earrings you see and a bracelet that does not match. Put it all together. Go out and be admired.
Being so popular but being so lonely
Why is it that everyone wants my advice, my attention and my time yet…every night I’m on facebook and twitter just itching for a conversation? I haven’t gotten any in MONTHS and I never go out and relax and socialize. I’m so focused on ‘becoming’ that I sometimes forget to just ‘BE’. I’m tired of this solitary confinement. I feel like Ariel in the Little Mermaid. ~singing~ I wanna be where the people are….
To find out more about this guest blogger, please go to http://te-erika.blogspot.com/.
Your alpha will have high expectations simply because you have high expectations of him.
He meets them, and expects the same. He’s not unreasonable and definitely doesn’t care if your bra and panties match or if you missed a pedicure or two. They are not typical men caught up on detail and emotional ramblings about things. However, alpha males love order, and appreciate structure, especially in the home. They admire it and recognize it.
The below are some suggestions to establish order around your home. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but a good weekend start:
1. Clean out your refrigerator
Nothing worse than a man opening your fridge and seeing weeks old butter, Chinese takeout, and spill marks all over the place, get it right!
2. Stock up on condoms, lubricants, candles, incense
Anything you need to practice safe sex, do not wait for the last minute or expect him to bring it, it’s your body. Your alpha male will see this as tactful and logical behavior, not judgmental. Candles and incense create ambiance and a relaxing mood for your alpha.
3. Clean and wipe your bathroom sink and toilet bowl down every morning
Doing the quick 30 second wipe down before a guest comes over should not be protocol. Where they ask you to use the bathroom and you tell them to wait. You can do this as you brush your teeth in the morning. It will take 2 minutes. It only takes longer if you leave it for weeks and do it all at once.
4. Stock up on beer, wine, lemonade
Consider what your alpha would like–is he a beer person or a wine man? Is he strictly cognac? Or does he prefer a green drink? Whatever it is stock up. I have Guinness, Henny, and Grand Marnier.
5. Fix your bedroom up
Simply because nothing says “dried up spinster” like a bare bedroom, that is bland, has 1 pillow, and 1 nightstand, dark, ugly sheets. Buy extra pillows, 2 nightstands, and make your room ready for a couple, not just you!
By Guest Blogger Te-Erika Patterson
If you’re up for a challenge, your relationship with an Alphanista will be the most frustrating, yet exhilarating ride that you’ve ever experienced- that is, if you know how to navigate the rocky terrain.
Sometimes I meet men who have so much potential but they just don’t get it. With a free spirit like me, you have to operate differently. The same rules that you’ll use with the average woman who uses her skills in the kitchen or the bedroom to snag her man won’t work with me.
Although there will never be a definitive guide to taming an Alphanista, (because she can not be tamed) following these suggestions will get you closer to your goal- the rest is up to God.
You have to be consistent, mainly because I’m not. My preferences or taste buds can shift whenever the wind blows and I am energized by the complete freedom to change my mind on a whim. It’s challenging enough to wake up and decide what I want out of life “today” so I need a man who means what he says and does what he promises to do, day in and day out. Since most people alter their opinions to match mine, a man who is consistent with his preferences, expectations and actions provides the kind of structure that translates erotically.
You don’t say “no” when I see something pretty because you don’t have to. Your finances are not shaken by the state of the economy because your resources are long and strong. Even if you do lose out on a business venture, you have 5 more right behind it that are flourishing. You believe I deserve the best that life has to offer and you know it’s your responsibility to give it to me. I’m your fantasy woman and you’re not about to spoil your dream come true by not being able to give me my heart’s desires. There’s nothing that delights you more than watching my eyes twinkle as I give you a kiss after trying on one of your sparkly gifts or receiving a phone call from a business connection that you supplied. Thank you!
Yes, I do run shit in most situations and it is completely within my reach to do so elegantly but spending so much time teaching and molding others can take a toll on the psyche of an Alphanista. Don’t abuse this gift but I want to give you the secret; I like
being taught and corrected by my man. If you can teach me something that will add to the success of my business endeavors I will definitely keep you around longer. And…every once in while, I need to be reminded that I am a mere mortal. An intentional, open handed smack to my rump will revitalize me and I will thank you for it.
I like to eat. You bring the food. That’s your job every single day. Show up to my place empty handed and that proves you don’t give a damn about me or my well-being. Goodbye.
Let It Slide
Sometimes the line between work and play can be blurred, at least in my mind. I have to be the hard ass to get things done and sometimes I carry that attitude home with me. I apologize in advance but you will just have to learn to deal with it. Don’t fight me on it. Let me rant and rave and try to strong arm you into doing the dishes. Instead of overanalyzing my requests- Do the dishes. It doesn’t take away from your role as my man. When I come down off of my power trip, I’ll realize what I’ve done and you’ll benefit from an apology you’ll never forget.
Let Me Love You
Yes, I have a whole list of people whose main desire is to please me but I have a sweet side too. I want to spoil you and pamper you and be your trophy too. I want you to brag to your friends about how well I take care of you and how much I add to your success. Don’t fight me when I want to do something nice for you. You deserve it just as much as I do. Let me take you on a trip and buy you something nice. Let me sweep you off your feet. Allow me to use my powers for good in appreciation for the wonderful man that you are. Let me love you in all of the extravagant, calculated ways that I know how because…I want to. Isn’t it your job to give me what I want? Uh huh…That’s right.
Read more about this writer at www.te-erika.blogspot.com.
(Some content is NSFW. Read with caution)
Just because he’s a misogynist doesn’t mean he sleeps alone at night.
Misogynists operate under a guise of being charming and charismatic. They wear “nice” to socially interact with others, but not to be good and kind. Truth is, these men appear “happy” but they aren’t. They have issues good enough for the psychiatrist’s couch. I once heard someone describe it as ” a woman with issues cries, but a man with issues is dangerous and can seriously hurt somebody.”
Again, this is beyond having issues.
Most women have at least met one misogynist in their life because they don’t come a dime dozen (at least, I hope not for you). Both sexes have questions about the other, but this goes way beyond that. Below is a description of a misogynist:
“….what a misogynist truly loves is the shallow image of women that exists only in one’s mind and is illustrated in society in such things as pornography or mainstream media that espouses that ideal. The hatred is directed at real women, for not living up to a misogynist’s expectations of women being easy to control and for not providing adequate stimulation for men’s interest….”
So, it’s more than not liking that women talk on the phone alot, it’s a deeper hatred that can come from the wildest things born and bred. The hatred is so deep he may actually seek prey. I put together some reasons, most inspired by a male friend who told me the truth about men who think like this. Men do talk about each other, and this dude is just “off.” Or is he? Here are some of the reasons I listed on my blog earlier this week for Baller Alert. We had fun with it, but sometimes the truth is in the pudding:
1. His penis is small, 6 inches or below for black men, like the little teapot, short and stout
2. He hates his mother and oddly enough subconsciously blames her for his small penis
3. He makes very little money or makes a helluva lotta money, he sees how women act with both and he hates them more
4. He is very short, below 5’8, and suffers from a Napoleon Complex too, bad combo
5. He was the object of constant ridicule in childhood, mostly from girls about his “weird” ways or look, or was distinctively ignored like he didn’t exist
6. He was sexually abused as a child
7. His mother was a prostitute
8. He is a closeted homosexual
9. He lives alone (beware of these men living alone for years and years)
10. He’s isolated, no one ever wants him on their team, or damn it, at their party if he isn’t taking photos or doing something constructive
Some men may argue that just because a man doesn’t fit into a woman’s objective is why women label him a misogynist. And interestingly enough, there are women who love men who hate them (that’s another blog). These women want to “nurture” and change the man. So the debate continues.
Just keep the ruler out on the nightstand… —
You should be waking up a little late tomorrow morning (ahem!) for very good reasons (cough).
But you may want to wake up a few minutes earlier and make something a little special, satisfying and can take you both through the afternoon. The bananas makes the house smell so yummy and cozy. Later, ya’ll can order take out or go out to eat. Keep it simple. I don’t see what else there is to do on Vday but eat, sleep, and make love be it in Tahiti or in a studio apartment on Martin Luther King Blvd. But that’s on you.
Also, most people can make french toast. Eat!
BANANAS FOSTER FRENCH TOAST
* 4 large eggs
* 1 cup heavy cream
* 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 8 tablespoons butter, divided
* 8 large croissants, halved
* 1/2 cup dark corn syrup
* 1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
* 1 cup maple syrup
* 1 cup chopped pecans
* 6 ripe bananas, halved crosswise and lengthwise
* 1 teaspoon rum extract
In a shallow dish, whisk together eggs, cream, and cinnamon. In a large skillet, melt 2 tablespoons butter over medium-high heat. Dip 4 croissant halves in egg mixture to coat both sides. Using a fork, remove croissants from egg mixture, letting excess mixture drip off. Place croissant halves in hot skillet. Cook 2 to 3 minutes per side or until lightly browned. Repeat procedure with remaining butter and croissant halves. Set aside and keep warm.
In a large skillet, combine corn syrup, brown sugar, maple syrup and pecans. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat, and simmer for 2 minutes. Add banana halves and rum extract. Coat with the syrup mixture, and simmer 1 minute. Spoon over French toast. Serve immediately.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Here’s a list of Alpha mamas doing it big.
1. Kimora Lee Simmons
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Kim Heirston
5. Jennifer Lopez
I think I covered almost every nationality with that one! And to all the alpha mamas out there. Enjoy this weekend. You deserve it.
Do you want to delight your Alphanista this holiday season? It’s not too late to earn her appreciation. Try any of these gift ideas to make your superstar smile.
A Delicious Meal – She’s so worn out from building her empire (or supporting you while you build yours) that she needs some replenishment. Tell her you have something special for her. Have her wait for you in her favorite cozy spot while you make her a home made meal filled with her favorite treats. Don’t forget dessert and you might get some dessert later.
Something That Sparkles – She LOVES sparkles. Preferably the Asscher cut. No more than 1 ½ karats though; anything larger will be too gaudy.
A Body Massage – She’ll remember why she chose you when she’s listening to Orange Moon by Erykah Badu as you caress her naked body with sweet smelling lotions while telling her all the ways she intrigues and delights you. Don’t forget the happy ending. Yes, ladies love that too!
A Pleasant Surprise – A new sound system for her car or even a connection she’s been trying to make to help her reach her next goal. Do something that she can’t quite seem to do for herself and watch her melt in your arms.
A Real Orgasm – It’s not about you tonight. It’s about making love to her entire body. Pay special attention to the area behind her knees and her collarbone. Strategically place tasty fruits and desserts across her body and don’t leave a crumb behind as you have your midnight snack. Find her Oh Button. You know just where it is. Press it. Often. Make her beg you to stop.
Te-Erika Patterson frequently writes blog posts for Alphanista. To learn more about her visit her at www.te-erika.blogspot.com.