Category: How To Be An Alphanista

How To Be An Alpha Female: The Broke Alphanista

You do exist.

As beautiful, smart, and enterprising as you are, shit happens.

Because of some ill fated decisions, consequences, health issues, or too many of the right risks at the wrong time, you are cooked like a goose.  The funds you saved are gone, and you don’t have a back-up plan this time.  What do you do?  The Broke Alphanista knows that life only reflects back to her where she is.  If you notice that everyone around you is broke, that is a cue that subliminally or unconsciously you’ve picked up some bad habits.  You’ve sabotaged yourself.  You sabotage yourself not by being broke but by staying in the situation.  When you are broke, that is one of the best times to become financially independent.  It is the best time to take risks, what do you have to lose?  You sabotage yourself, by staying stuck and developing a broke mentality.

A broke mentality is one of lack, little risk, and built around scarcity.  There is never enough to go around for the broke mentality.  Here are more symptoms:

–you want to be first in line everywhere, in case “something” runs out, and silently hiss at that woman who strolls in an hour later and gets it without an issue

–you think any “good thing” doesn’t last, and it doesn’t for you because you fulfilled your own prophecy

–you penny pinch until it hurts talking yourself out of opportunities and purchases that may actually help you

–you always expect bad service at a restaurant

Anyone can be “broke”, but a “broke mentality” becomes a new habit and way of thinking, where everything good seems to dance away.  You realize this and begin to build a mental fortress and support to protect you from living among the 90% so that you may find your place among the talented 10%.

Read more in this series.

Weekend Rewind: Tip 7 How To Be An Alpha Female

“An alpha female is full of contradictions often keeping her male partner in a suspended state, not sure exactly what to do with her…”

A man will never forget an alpha female.

There’s usually that one man or woman in our life, okay sometimes two or three that stand out from the rest. Rest assured that if you’re an alpha female, you may be the bar he’s holding other women up against. You may be the prototype those poor, other unassuming females have to compete with. You’re the proverbial phantom in the relationship that never seems to go away. One of the reasons is that, though the alpha female is well put together and straightforward, and a very reasonable woman, a man may never really know if she’s coming in through the front door or the back.

One week it may be hot with an alpha female—phone calls, bubbly, dining, soft whispers, giggly moments on the phone together, then the next week she is gone—doesn’t return phone calls, disappears for a few days, is elusive, reserved. It’s all something that may be planned or not. But she’ll usually keep an air of mystery, until she finds her compatible alpha male.  In the meantime, she will keep men in suspended states. Oftentimes, this may cost her a few good ones along the way. Why is she like this? Because she can’t completely be herself until she can see her future in this man’s eyes.  It may be a life long quest, but until that magnificent feeling, it’s all up for review.  On another note:  Beta men don’t quite have a handle on the alpha female and quickly take any form of distance as a sign of rejection. This is a red flag for an alpha female.

Beta men are easily offended, move on quickly, because they are quite undecisive. They are not the top pick among women so their egos are softer and they need to go through more women to find the right one. Where as the alpha male who is the top pick, finds his alpha females more of a challenge, a woman to be conquered. He may not react right away, and spend time with betas, but eventually he’ll make his way back to her. He has more women around him to choose from, and because of his need to sire alpha children he will choose his alpha female counterpart if she’s available (unfortunately, she usually isn’t because her numbers are few) to mate with. These unions usually create something spectacular in way of legacy and alpha progeny. Now, he can move on, but an alpha female won’t let him get away that easily, especially if he’s of high net worth 😉 or social status.

It’s so much easier to have our way with beta men. Until we meet our alpha male, and some of us are married to him, that is when we can be our true selves. As I said, something about an alpha male, when I see him, I walk differently, and I am like the soft petals of a rose around him—light, calm and relaxed. I fall right into my lane.

But if an alpha female has zoned in on an alpha male, be careful. She’s very persistent in making her presence known. She knows what she wants. She won’t stop until he catches her.


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Tip 6: How To Be An Alpha Female

“You immediately know when an alpha female walks in the room; enters at the same status as the leaders in the room, she glides in; close mouthed smile, eyes canvassing everything for the big swoop down…”

This is so important and I’m going to tell you why.  If you enter a room in any other way people are going to wonder why you’re even there.  You can tell a lot about a person by how they walk into a room.  It shows you how they see the world: either as a friendly place or a dangerous, cautious place.  They either walk in and their energy says “Hello World!” or “Hello, World?”

Picture yourself.  In a room, and an alpha female walks in and does what she does above.  She believes the world is kind, receptive, and full of happy surprises.  She automatically feels liked.  Your first thought is “Who is that? She must be one of the speakers or something.”  You may hate her or love her, but that’s not the point.  She got noticed. In her world, what’s the point of going out if you’re going to be invisible.  Might as well stay home alone for that one.  Then there’s the next chick.  She thinks the world is unfriendly, and most likely her experiences with people prove her right.  She’s the one who walks in like a mouse.  Quiet, slow, finds a seat in the back.  People wonder why the hell she come for, another one taking up space.  Nothing annoys me more than to see a mouse walk in the room.  Nobody likes mice. Of course there are instances, where I know no one and want to blend in the back, I make my rounds and move on.  No need to linger around some place where no goals can be accomplished.  And as an alpha, your whole point for being there is because you want to get something done, from fun to a new position.  Because of the alpha view that the world is friendly and giving, she receives a lot.   People want to get to know her, while the mouse mopes around the room shooting evil glances.

If you’re a mouse, here are a couple of tips to walk in the room:

  1. Arrive early if you can.  Myth is arriving late is fashionable, but it’s always predictable.  About 65% of people arrive late.  You, hon, will arrive early or on-time.  That is the best way to get the fresh pickins, while everyone is curious, engaged, and peppy.
  2. Smile, and always talk to the host first.  People will believe you know them.
  3. Don’t be loud, be more of an observer, the silence you show will make people curious.  When you have something to say make sure it’s different, ambitious, and has to piss at least one person off in the room.

Remember, you want them talking about you when you leave.  As I said, if not you were invisible.  Most people walking around are.  Not trying to quip, just being real.  It doesn’t matter who you see, it’s who sees you, really sees you.

Tip 23: How To Be An Alphanista

“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but Jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time”–Arab Proverb

If you’re the alpha at work or school who most women love to hate, then this one is for you.

Here is a typical scenario for an alpha female: she is the one on the “outside” of a group.

What happens is that the alpha female may be “new” to the area or job.  Where most women would make themselves a part of the group and feel “bad” if they are not accepted, alpha females have another  strategy.  Being the target of jealousy or curiosity is not new to alphas, and she is normally very comfortable alone, and that makes others VERY uncomfortable.   She is neither out or in a group, she is always where she wants to be.  And she rather be alone than be unwelcomed or unappreciated.

The trick here is to never ask to be part of the group.  Do not bend to the group or accept invitations for lunch or dinner.  These invites are usually prime time for those to peck on you like ravenous pigeons on toast.  They are curious about you, who you are, and why you are so self contained.  They’ll label you and call you “crazy” or “anti-social” to hide jealousy or frustration about you.  A true alpha won’t flinch, hey, it’s nothing new to her.

Now, here is your option if you want to be entertained by others instead of yourself: create a group. You set yourself up from the start as the person to get to know.  People will come and go from the group, but you stay, molding and shaping the group to suit you.  The group must always grow or they have no value for it and will leave.  This is your platform to be who you are without reservation.  Should you need to retreat from the group or be alone entirely (I think the alpha may spend too much time alone, but that’s another blog) be prepared to attract another loner, preferably a beta, where both of your energies can balance the other.   Want to rustle the feathers of the group of women who are mystified by your aloofness?   Try this.

Too many women are interested in pleasing other women.  Like the saying goes, “if you can’t accept yourself, then certainly no one else will”.

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Tip 19: How To Be An Alphanista

womancoquette1“Now when I enter a carriage, it almost empties. But there’s always one brave enough to stay.”—Grace Jones

Ay, ay, ay to be an alpha female.  You are either the most likeable or the most hated.  You are either the most social or the loneliest.  Look at who is around you, and think deeply about what has made them stay.  It could be that you are a good advisor, listener,
Teacher or friend, or simply make them feel good.

It’s those brave ones that interest Alphanistas.  They see our weakness, our vulnerability, our tantrums and still “get” us.  Because when we love, we love big, loud, messy, and passionate.  An alpha does not have it all figured out.  What she knows how to do is to respect those who stay, and those who want to be there.  She’s been dumped, yelled at, and thensome.  But she doesn’t stop going there.

Going into the unknown of what the next relationship will bring.  She dives right in, head first sometimes.  She knows that it is inside that relationship where she will find herself and be the woman she is to become.

If you have someone in your life that is brave enough to stay, cheers to you.

Alphanista Of The Week: Elizabeth

 

This feature will focus on outstanding Alphanistas all over the world.  Do you want to be chosen?  Send a short bio and pic to maryann at alphanista dot com.

“What does being an Alphanista mean to you?”

Being an Alphanista means not having to apologize for being you and, not ever being discouraged from your goals. Especially when it concerns something you know you want. I’ve approached much of my life this way- from studying abroad to working in the entertainment industry.  Follow your passions and don’t concern yourself too much with other people’s perceptions.

–Elizabeth, Los Angeles,  Film and Television, Music

See previous Alphanistas

Tip 13: How To Be An Alphanista

“An alphanista knows two things-the art of reinvention and the art of surprise….

What happens when you can’t be all that you thought you could be?

You reinvent yourself.  Reinvention is not a linear process.  It has nothing to do with finishing school, getting the right friends, job, love, or home.  It is about surviving adverse situations, coming out on top, re-awakening the “Rocky” in you to surprise yourself, and those who forgot about you.   It’s about taking what’s left and molding it into the new you.  The thing about reinvention is this:  No one helps you.

It can only happen by the straps of your own boots.  By you sitting at home one weekend, one month, one year, or over lunch with friends, and saying, “Yeah, that’s what I want to be.”   That “that” may be something you had never tried.   But everything else has been taken from you.  It is your chance to do something new.  To leave a mark.  To be great once again.

Reinvention is for those alphanistas who have a little thing called-spirit.  Spirit is talked about, but rarely understood.   It’s that little sing-s0ng in an alphanista that whispers in her ear when she just got evicted.  It’s that little word or flash of light she sees when she’s just been jailed.  It’s that word that tells you “It ain’t over yet” because you have whole new chapter, opening up in front of you.  It’s those words that help you get up in the morning, and apply for that job you aren’t qualified for–and later, get, by the seat of your pants that is a bridge to another place, another you.  Reinvention is about making order out of chaos.

A spirited woman is a woman full of life.   Who can’t be beaten.  It’s not about strength, but about vision.  Spirited women are not exactly strong, but they stand up, when they get ready.  To me, “strong” is more sturdy, rigid, cold, unemotional.  When you’re on your way to re-invention, you’re anything but.   You need to be flexible, pallable like dough.

Here are some possible reinventions with varying degrees of transition, many done and written about more than once.  I’m working on one of the below 🙂

  • Pop Star to Self Help Therapist
  • Divorced Housewife to Las Vegas Stripper
  • Starving Artist to Famous Politician
  • U.S. Ambassador to Fitness Trainer
  • Small Business Owner to Fortune 500 CEO

An alphanista may reinvent her life several times to make sense of a mess she created.  If she didn’t get the husband, get the home, or whatever she had prized, and find a new love.   She may move off to Italy, and become one of the nations’ only celebrity foreign chefs.  Odd, huh?  Exactly.  A reinvention hardly ever makes much sense to others, but the inventor….

How To Be An Alpha Female: The Romantic Dinner

You didn’t think we’d end with pre-dinner cocktails?

It’s time for dinner.  But not just any, but a “romantic” dinner.  You’ve had the power breakfast, luxuriated at the spa, had something to sip on, now it’s time to get to the fun part.  Ideally, it would start around 9pm, when the “other” guests have left to get ready for their bedtime.  The restaurant doesn’t close until 2am anyway.  It’s a hot spot.  Somewhere in NYC’s Meatpacking District and has received rave reviews from insiders.  It’s not even “listed” but you are on the list.  Now, this romantic dinner doesn’t have to be romantic with a man.  You can have a romantic dinner alone, or with another woman.  You can invite an acquaintance who knows how to unwind and relax, and talk about dreams, wishlists, and aspirations. It’s all a dream anyway.  Isn’t life?  You don’t want to eat with anyone who’s a drag especially this time of night.

The “romance” is in the ambiance, the delicate, soft lights that dance around the room and the faces that it touches.  It’s in the quiet hum of the place, and the clink of glasses, and the shimmer of champagne.  It’s The Ritz in Paris at midnight, lit like a jewel.

This is your “romantic” dinner.  It’s not just about the food, but what happens over the meal.  Enjoy.

Your car is waiting outside.

 

 

Tip 8: How To Be An Alpha Female

Don't Try This At Work If You Ain't Ready...LOL...Can You Imagine the Upheaval?
Don't Try This At Work If You Ain't Ready...Can You Imagine The Upheaval? LOL

“An alpha female may have a hard time at work because of her innate leadership skills and can ruffle the wrong feathers; she manages to rise to the top because of her style and intellect…”

An alpha female at work can be two things: she can be the best person you’ve ever worked with and the worst, or even be both at the same time.  Most people cruise through their ordinary jobs with “go along to get along” in mind.  They like their jobs for the most part, the people they work with, and pretty much want to keep things the same.  Some are even so compliant and set in their ways that they don’t even want to be promoted, they are “just fine” with their initialed coffee mug and pinned up photos on their desks.  If you know a woman in this crew, she’s also the one who knows everybody, talks about everyone, and eats lunch with the same 2-3 people everyday.

On the outskirts of all this mediocrity is the alpha female.  You may have met her. She’s usually the one whose job title actually outweighs her qualifications.  Alphas find themselves in top, hi profile positions suddenly, overnight, with a resume that doesn’t quite make sense of it all. For instance, she may have been a model w/no college education, but she’s running a multimillion dollar fashion empire because of her “relationships”.  When she’s at a regular job, she’s polite, does her work, and goes through her own motions, but still has a motive.  She under promises and over delivers and knows this is the way to intrigue the higher ups.  She’s not partial to hanging with any particular crew at the job and will create her own.  She doesn’t see the workplace as a place to “work”, but a place to plan her next move.  She may piss people off and get “fired” because she has her own mind that believes her way is the best.  She actually believes she is smarter than the boss and sometimes acts that way, getting her in some hot water here and there.  She may also be the subject of whispers on the job because of how she dresses, talks, or acts.   She’s sharp, intelligent and calculating.  She stands out.  Make no bones about it.

She’s prone to using her wit, intelligence, and feminine assets to get noticed, too.  Flirting can be a weapon.  Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher wasn’t the most beautiful woman but she was witty and loved flirting with reporters, according to reports.  This disarmed them and made her a media darling.   Others take it further.  Most alpha females don’t think sleeping with the boss is always a bad thing, but can be a two-way street if two are in mutual agreement.  In her world, there’s always more than one way to get something done.  To her, it is every woman for herself.  Thatcher once said, “I owe nothing to women’s lib.”  For the alpha female at work, it’s always about her, for she believes the more greatness she can acquire, the more greatness she can produce, and the more great her underlings can become.