By Guest Blogger, Gloria Vanner
That is not my real name . You won’t know who I am, but what I am about to write can change your life forever.
Here’s my story first. But I’m going to skip some of the standard parts: I’m educated, single, beautiful, yada yada. When I was in my 20s, I was about partying, hanging with ballers, searching for rich men, and pretty much having the time of life. I let some great men slip by because they didn’t have “enough” or looked good “enough”. Fast forward, 10 years. I have a fly condo I in Lower Manhattan, a benz, and six figure a year job, no kids, a puppy, and I sleep alone every night. Oh, let me correct that. I used to sleep alone.
My family and friends always push the best for me. What I had was never “enough”. I couldn’t just graduate college I had to be in the top 5. I couldn’t just have a man, but he had to be a childless, 6 foot 4, CEO/homeowner/yachtowner/who basically had lots of free time on his hands to be at my beck and call. I hope you know that this is nearly impossible. This is part of the “dream” so many women have. It’s NOT true. Once you wake up from that dream, that’s when life really begins. Those qualities are not called standards, they are “jailers” that keep you confined and limited, and always, ALWAYS, the same.
When you read magazines, or books like Act Like A Woman, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey and Letters To A Young Sister by Hill Harper, they forget to tell you that. I will never be duped by anything but the truth. A man cannot teach me to be a woman, and vice versa. Once women stop buying this garbage, will they know that they already had all the answers, just refused to believe it. You don’t have to “behave” a certain way to get married, just watch the show Bridezillas. Totally defunct women, who are still finding love and acceptance.
If these books are not saying all of that, then it’s worthless. I want to read more books written by happy women who show how THEY did it. Let me explain.
I have a wonderful relationship right now with a man who sort of just walked in my life while I was home. A friend suggested him for me. I didn’t meet him at the club, at the mall, online or on a boatride or party. I had seen my friend many times before, and she never suggested this person for me. She is NOT one to hook people up, but she herself is in a happy relationship so there was no need for her to feel threatened. She bought him up casually one day. Since I reached out, me and this man have been inseparable. He has been more of a man to me than I have ever had. He treats me like gold, speaks to me gently, listens to me, but he also teaches me, leads me, and *&cks the hell out of me on a regular basis. Could I ask for more? Well, he’s not a millionaire, but an intelligent man with a respectable job, owns property, has a small modest business, he’s working on growing, and was previously married. We are currently designing our life and future right now. Long talks on the phone, planning, anticipating. He’s vulnerable and ready. I wouldn’t trade him in for anything.
So, my point? Don’t worry about what books tell you. I didn’t have a 3 month waiting period, or a Wednesday cut off date for a date. I didn’t put myself on the market and perch myself at events to meet monied men. Broaden your options, that is what it’s really about. Single women call it settling, hence, why they are single. Most of these women will NEVER get married. That job, that money, that look is not what will get you a husband or a partner. It’s how you much you allow yourself to broaden your options and plan strategically. What you need at 25, you don’t need at 35. I do hope you know the difference. Don’t buy into the hype and marketing that SINGLE men push. Or the hype that makes it look easy, cute, and sexy. It is not. I have been there. I didn’t want to be single, and have always been a woman built for companionship. I know there are some women who are not, and more power to them. I do not want to be them for a day. I like being vulnerable, feminine, wise, and respected, protected and loved by a man.
At the end of the day, if you are single, it’s only your fault. All the degrees and acumens are not going to make you look less crazy than a woman who is and lives alone with her cats or dog.
BOTTOM LINE: Free Yourself.
Guest Blogger “Gloria Vanner” lives in Manhattan and is currently engaged.