Weekend Rewind: Being Vulnerable

This is based on complete trust, go for it!
This is based on complete trust, do you trust?

This can be a challenge for the alpha female who is used to re-arranging matters to suit her interests and pressing the “edit” button alot in life.

I was reading a comment on another board the other day and a woman described it like this: “My vulnerability is a gift I give to you when I trust myself.”

Absolutely.  The main core of vulnerability is trusting yourself.  It’s about letting go of knowing all the answers before you ask the questions.  You meet a man and you’re not concerned with guarding or coming off other than, but you are completely there–with your flaws, quirks, openness, power, and more.  Women used to be good at this.  It’s one of the quickest ways to make men bond with you.

But men, have always had trouble with vulnerability at least up until the 1970s.  I was in a restaurant the other day having lunch and there were some old school Barry White and Isley Brother songs playing.  These men sang about being vulnerable men, about being men who need their woman, about wanting to be understood and understand.  Their emotional capacity was out of this world.  At least in the songs.

Vulnerability, is a different way of being in a relationship or getting in one.  Trusting yourself means knowing whatever happens it’s okay–you are not a bad person.   To be a vulnerable woman, you have to be willing to get hurt, be embarrassed and be wrong.  I’m just learning this.  Usually, people date defensively trying to keep from getting hurt.  But what if you dated with no care in the world as to what anyone else thought, as long as you are being honest and true to yourself.  No, it isn’t about telling anyone off, but more like wearing your heart on your sleeve.  There’s a certain swagger about a woman who can tell a man what is really happening in her life, her heart.  You ever wondered how those women, who don’t seem to have it all going on, attract great men?  That’s part of how they do it.  They establish emotional intimacy.

Wikipedia (I know!) describes it like this:

Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving, and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. Knowing yourself makes it possible to stand for yourself in an intimate relationship without taking over the other or losing yourself to the other.

Calling In “the One”, one of my favorite books, says this:

When you know yourself, you don’t need to defend against being known.  We develop our capacity for intimacy by giving up the need to see ourselves in a certain way.

Someone once told me, how can a man know you are “the one”, if he doesn’t really know you.  Your happy times, down times, and questionable times.  If he isn’t comfortable with knowing those angles then he isn’t ready for an intimate relationship. And that’s what I think most people want today.  An intimate, close connection with someone who won’t judge them or pull the rug from underneath them.  By learning how to be vulnerable and establishing intimacy with a man, you give him more of you to love.

Men complain that women these days are too hard, too judgmental, too fake, too much of nothing.  But I always believe the people you attract are in direct relation to who you are.  If you attract fake, you are fake, too.

An alpha female would work towards this because it is a trait few women can master.  With that said, this weekend, I urge everyone to tell something to someone you normally wouldn’t.  You never know that person may be the one with the answer. If not, at least you’re getting closer to getting the type of emotional intimacy most people crave.  But at what price?  Only you know.


  1. Annabelle says:

    Well I am sad to say that being “vulnerable” to someone has always led me to getting my heart broken.

    I feel that everytime I’ve given all of my love to someone or opened upt to them, it hasn’t worked out well for me.

    So I feel guarded now, untrusting. And I hate that.

  2. S. Stuggers says:

    @sherry wow, that was very well said, and I agree specifically with taking a risk for love, we r willing to take more risks at restaurants (eating food we dont know how its prepared) than with a person we want to build with, you sound like you are very serious and knowing even what vulnerability MEANS is a big deal!

  3. Heather S. says:

    OMG I am cracking up at this photo! Most people are backing away, one dude look like he checkin his cell phone….LMAO! I guess that is what I’m afraid of, I go ahead and be vulnerable and dude takes 2 steps back 2 steps to the side, and he’s out!

  4. Sherryberry says:

    I really had to think about this post. I have read it about 5 times before I decided to write a response. So, here it goes. I used to hate being vulnerable but it seems to be the state I am in these days. I might even say that my heart has been “broken open;” a lot of emotions are coming out of me lately. On the plus side, I’m more expressive where I used to stuff my emotions down with food. Because of my present vulnerability, I can honestly say that some of the hardest things I ever had to go through like depression, back surgery and weight gain, were some of the best things that ever happened to me. They taught me how to trust myself and once again, look inside for guidance instead of outside to other people.

    However, vulnerability is hard for me to relay to the opposite sex. I used to be the type of chick that didn’t cry very often… I cried twice this morning for various reasons. I am just more open. My goal this year is to find the man I can be vulnerable with, who will love me with all my flaws, and I realize I have many. On the other hand, I am working on myself in the meantime to get better prepared for that man; but my biggest fear is that a man will sweep me off my feet just to turn around and drop me on my ass. I think about this once a day. I guess I have been hurt before and didn’t see it coming, so I try to be two steps ahead. But I’m tired of doing that.

    The bottom line is, vulnerability has made me a better person and I thank God everyday for making me a more compassionate human being. Like other women, I don’t want to be taken advantage of by men, however, I don’t want to live a life without taking a risk for love.

    I think this post goes along with the one about how single women should stop doing certain things in order to find a mate. I think if we as women are more conscious of our emotions,intuition and vulnerability they will serve us well.

    Another great post!

  5. James says:

    If more women did this, they’d have a man. I heard you say in a radio interview that men cant initiate this. I agree 4 the most part. Women shouldnt expect a man to do this FIRST, lots of women want to see a man “break” or “act” like he’s interested by doing a set of things they make up. THEN they feel comfortable—-nah that is like letting somebody decide if you should live or die—

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *