This can be a challenge for the alpha female who is used to re-arranging matters to suit her interests and pressing the “edit” button alot in life.
I was reading a comment on another board the other day and a woman described it like this: “My vulnerability is a gift I give to you when I trust myself.”
Absolutely. The main core of vulnerability is trusting yourself. It’s about letting go of knowing all the answers before you ask the questions. You meet a man and you’re not concerned with guarding or coming off other than, but you are completely there–with your flaws, quirks, openness, power, and more. Women used to be good at this. It’s one of the quickest ways to make men bond with you.
But men, have always had trouble with vulnerability at least up until the 1970s. I was in a restaurant the other day having lunch and there were some old school Barry White and Isley Brother songs playing. These men sang about being vulnerable men, about being men who need their woman, about wanting to be understood and understand. Their emotional capacity was out of this world. At least in the songs.
Vulnerability, is a different way of being in a relationship or getting in one. Trusting yourself means knowing whatever happens it’s okay–you are not a bad person. To be a vulnerable woman, you have to be willing to get hurt, be embarrassed and be wrong. I’m just learning this. Usually, people date defensively trying to keep from getting hurt. But what if you dated with no care in the world as to what anyone else thought, as long as you are being honest and true to yourself. No, it isn’t about telling anyone off, but more like wearing your heart on your sleeve. There’s a certain swagger about a woman who can tell a man what is really happening in her life, her heart. You ever wondered how those women, who don’t seem to have it all going on, attract great men? That’s part of how they do it. They establish emotional intimacy.
Wikipedia (I know!) describes it like this:
Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving, and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. Knowing yourself makes it possible to stand for yourself in an intimate relationship without taking over the other or losing yourself to the other.
Calling In “the One”, one of my favorite books, says this:
When you know yourself, you don’t need to defend against being known. We develop our capacity for intimacy by giving up the need to see ourselves in a certain way.
Someone once told me, how can a man know you are “the one”, if he doesn’t really know you. Your happy times, down times, and questionable times. If he isn’t comfortable with knowing those angles then he isn’t ready for an intimate relationship. And that’s what I think most people want today. An intimate, close connection with someone who won’t judge them or pull the rug from underneath them. By learning how to be vulnerable and establishing intimacy with a man, you give him more of you to love.
Men complain that women these days are too hard, too judgmental, too fake, too much of nothing. But I always believe the people you attract are in direct relation to who you are. If you attract fake, you are fake, too.
An alpha female would work towards this because it is a trait few women can master. With that said, this weekend, I urge everyone to tell something to someone you normally wouldn’t. You never know that person may be the one with the answer. If not, at least you’re getting closer to getting the type of emotional intimacy most people crave. But at what price? Only you know.