“I need to be comfortable!”
Basically, when it comes to our lives, we don’t want to sit in our mess. That mess can be anything you don’t like right now—your ex, your single status, your married best friend, your cheating boyfriend, your insecure self, whatever it is, it’s about sitting with it instead of running away from it or trying to fix it.
You don’t have to fix any of these things overnight because they weren’t created overnight. This was one of the hardest things for folks to tackle when they can not tolerate the anxiety of not knowing. None of the questions asked are to gain insight or wisdom but basically looking for a quick fix. It’s when we keep asking more whys, than how. It’s when we feel we have to fix ourselves.
Really all of these questions or anxiety come from the fact that you don’t believe anyone will ever actually want to love or take care of you. You probably don’t trust people to even get close enough to you. It makes you uncomfortable! So, if you want to deal with that, you have to stop blaming poor, innocent folk. Start asking yourself the right questions. Here a quote I like: “We cant change our circumstances from the same level that we created it.” That means you have to give yourself the power to ask questions that help you uncover your will and ability to change. When you change yourself, that is real power. I don’t care what anyone says on the contrary.
For example instead of asking why men never respect you? Start asking what are you doing that men treat you with disrespect? And please do not say “nothing”. Because there is a cause and effect with everything. It’s called nature.
Stay away from questions that came from shame like Why don’t men like me? or Why can’t I get married like everyone else? These questions lead to no where.
Watch what happens when you ask yourself why you like being single? You’ll get defensive, then slowly start to admit the truth: the fact that you have been building pillars all around you. Maybe you like the ability to eat what you want, dress how you like, skip a few baths or showers, or settling in with the comfortable feeling of loneliness.
So, instead of looking what else is wrong with you, sit with the hard questions and you don’t have to find the answers all at once.
The goal is to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, that this moment you are in, this brief period of being single is just that–brief in the segment of time. It’s really a small moment. That in this moment it’s okay to feel off kilter or out of place, because it is through that little space that a shift can occur and possibility, preferably over 6 feet tall and successful, can enter. It’s not about acting like it doesn’t matter, but making it matter enough that you are willing to go through the questions that bring the discomfort to draw your partner closer to you.
Oftentimes, it’s these little moments that shift our energy and bring what we want. Instead of fighting against it.
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