Author: Staff

Top Reasons Why Men Hate Women

Author: Bryan Creely
Author: Bryan Creely

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(Some content is NSFW.  Read with caution)

Just because he’s a misogynist doesn’t mean he sleeps alone at night.

Misogynists operate under a guise of being charming and charismatic.  They wear “nice” to socially interact with others, but not to be good and kind.  Truth is, these men appear “happy” but they aren’t.  They have issues good enough for the psychiatrist’s couch.  I once heard someone describe it as ” a woman with issues cries, but a man with issues is dangerous and can seriously hurt somebody.”

Again, this is beyond having issues.

Most women have at least met one misogynist in their life because they don’t come a dime dozen (at least, I hope not for you).   Both sexes have questions about the other, but this goes way beyond that.   Below is a description of a misogynist:

“….what a misogynist truly loves is the shallow image of women that exists only in one’s mind and is illustrated in society in such things as pornography or mainstream media that espouses that ideal. The hatred is directed at real women, for not living up to a misogynist’s expectations of women being easy to control and for not providing adequate stimulation for men’s interest….”

So, it’s more than not liking that women talk on the phone alot, it’s a deeper hatred that can come from the wildest things born and bred.   The hatred is so deep he may actually seek prey.   I put together some reasons, most inspired by a male friend who told me the truth about men who think like this.   Men do talk about each other, and this dude is just “off.”   Or is he?  Here are some of the reasons I listed on my blog earlier this week for Baller Alert.   We had fun with it, but sometimes the truth is in the pudding:

1. His penis is small, 6 inches or below for black men,  like the little teapot, short and stout

2. He hates his mother and oddly enough subconsciously blames her for his small penis

3. He makes very little money or makes a helluva lotta money, he sees how women act with both and he hates them more

4. He is very short, below 5’8, and suffers from a Napoleon Complex too, bad combo

5. He was the object of constant ridicule in childhood, mostly from girls about his “weird” ways or look, or was distinctively ignored like he didn’t exist

6. He was sexually abused as a child

7. His mother was a prostitute

8. He is a closeted homosexual

9. He lives alone (beware of these men living alone for years and years)

10. He’s isolated, no one ever wants him on their team, or damn it, at their party if he isn’t taking photos or doing something constructive

Some men may argue that just because a man doesn’t fit into a woman’s objective  is why women label him a misogynist.  And interestingly enough, there are women who love men who hate them (that’s another blog).   These women want to “nurture” and change the man.   So the debate continues.

Just keep the ruler out on the nightstand… —

Alpha Reads: Doctors: Bound By Secrecy? Victims Bound By Pain

Endometriosis is a chronic condition that affects the lives of millions of women.

It can get in the way of everyday living and steal happiness.  Doctors: Bound By Secrecy? Victims: Bound by Pain? by Karen Steward reveals the truth about what is behind this disease.  It centers around a mother committed to finding healing for ailing daughter, a sufferer of the condition.  The book takes them to Germany and the ups and down trials toward the path of healing.  I found the book inspirational, as it can give hope to many women who do not know where to turn, who may be frustrated with American doctors, who have had just about enough pain in their lives.  This book also taught me about the bond between mother and daughter and how love can heal and provide the answers we have always sought.

Doctors: Bound By Secrecy? Victims: Bound by Pain? is not only a book full of facts and finds, but it is also a great story from beginning to end.  This book belongs in the hands of anyone affected by endometriosis and adhesions, anyone whose loved one is affected, and anyone curious about unconventional approaches to treatment.

Weekend Rewind: Have Eggs, Want Babies?

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"Honey, It's Readyyyy!...."

This one is a gem!  One of my favorites….Enjoy!

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In the post yesterday about Married Women Are Evil, someone said that husbands and marriage will be here till the end of time.

I agree.  They will.

But your eggs won’t be.

Recently, I had been thinking what if women let their eggs do the dating for them.  Follow me.  You spend so much time picking, waiting, thinking, ignoring, resigning the need to be in a relationship or have a family that you look around and you’re 40plus.  No children—yet.  Unless you have Madonna money, fertility treatments are expensive.  And when you just wanted one baby, you can end up with a  boatload all at once.

This is to say:  Think about your eggs.  They do have a time limit.  I’m not into putting the scare in anyone, but that is reality.  It is biology, nature.  [Stop reading here if you don’t want kids].

If you want kids, your eggs are probably wondering “WTF is going on out there?” Over 35, and still nada.  Could be younger, if you want it sooner.  An alpha female is not going to let her desire for a family fall to the wayside if she really wants it.  She’ll find a way and organize her thoughts that.  Get it done.  Then, have something else to conquer.

Start planning now if you want a family.  Don’t just date, mate.  When your eggs are talking you can spot a man who can make “good babies” about 5 blocks away.  Remember, you are the gatekeeper of your family’s “genetic integrity”.  Use this innate instinct to choose prospective partners.  Guard your body and mind.  Do his teeth look clean?  Is his hair neat?  Is he tall?  Does he white, protein filled nails?  Are his eyes clear and bright?   Is his skin a healthy, uniform color with limited blemishes?  If he passes all this, then you can start the psychological process.  Keep the timeline.  6 months to commitment.

As an alternative, if you are still single, freezing your eggs are an option until you are ready to use them.  Of course, donating your eggs to give to another woman can work, too.  At least you’ll have something out there.  Next, look at the women in your family.  If they are having babies up until their 40s, then you should be good.  Because all of that is hereditary if you are a generally healthy woman.  So, let’s not get caught up in the media world and fantasy that we don’t have this “egg” issue at hand.  It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t have to be when you control your destiny.

And I don’t believe that God didn’t make certain women to be mothers, or even a wife.  That’s one of those “advertised” excuses.   If you have a desire, then it’s there for a reason and an inclination that it can be yours based on choices you make along the way.  Too many women, don’t want the responsibility, so they blame a higher power. The few women who have told me they don’t want kids, I believed.  They insisted they had absolutely no urge.  They liked children, but really couldn’t be bothered with the whole birth and rearing thing.  I respect that.

So, if you want a family, be honest with yourself.  Get your house in order.  Your little nieces ain’t gonna do because they will always love their mommy more.

When Prince Charming Forgets Where You Live….

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Halle had a baby on her own terms, should she had waited?

Sometimes when you do things perfectly life doesn’t end up the way you want it to.

As young girls we are taught and programmed to think the perfect ending comes with a dashing husband, kids, the perfect house and the perfect closet. As African-American women our realities don’t often mirror this, but girls still dream. Recently women, especially black women are coming to realize that fairy tale ending is damn near impossible to come by. I was recently reading CNN and came upon another article about black women and our fight for motherhood and marriage.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do think marriage is an issue in the black community, but man I’m tired of reading how successful black women are not getting married or having the children they want.

Everywhere we go black women are being reminded that independent women rule but don’t to be that independent or you’ll be that female who goes home alone. Earlier this year while watching Steve Harvey on Oprah, I could not help but shudder when the 4 single successful black women came on. These women, like the woman in the CNN article talked about how they had done everything right. In both situations they were left either without children or men. Now while having that dream career and stellar closet is admirable, we all know what our purpose is as women. Women are put on this earth to be loved, to be treated as queens, to raise strong men and women, provide guidance for our communities and to provide in many ways for our male counterparts. In the past, the path to these goals was crystal clear; however new obstacles face women today, especially black women. With new challenges must come new solutions, new paths and break from traditional models.

If you want children and can’t have them, then adopt. There are lots of children in our own communities who will benefit from a good home. Don’t be afraid to do things out of the ordinary and create your own realities. If Mr. Right seems to be taking his sweet ole time trying to find you then gets your stuff in order without him. He’ll appreciate the fact that you already got yours together and don’t need to rely on him. The right man will come along who wants you, your kids and your huge closet.

For a whole new way of bringing in the love you want, fill out the below!

 

How To Be An Alpha Female: The Pain

Here’s the difference between being dead or alive: the ability to feel pain.

Unfortunately, there are some sociopathic types that feel no pain, no real joy, and use obsessive-compulsive addictions to “feel” anything.  When you feel pain–hurt, anger, rage, sorrow, disappointment, longing, etc–you are alive.  It’s uncomfortable.  Sometimes, the pain doesn’t leave right away.  Or it leaves for a few days, and comes back.   Normally, we are taught to suffocate the pain, drown it out, repress, suppress and make it disappear.  And you can do that.  In fact, you’re probably already doing that.  Maybe that is why you are in the same rut, having the same experience you had years ago–yes?

An alpha female welcomes the pain.  She listens to it.  She asks “it” questions.  She knows that this is just another thing that makes up who she is.   And then the feeling passes.  She doesn’t have to sit with ruminating thoughts for hours, even days.  The pain comes, she may invite it for tea, and let it expand inside her.   No reaching for the phone, computer, or flipping the channels.  If you sit still with it long enough, look at it, without joining it, you will notice that it passes.   And then comes another thought, a phone call, or something to move you along to another experience.

Once you get used to doing this, you’ll experience a sense of freedom you never have before.

Read more in this series.

Married Men Make The Best Boyfriends?

Out in the open single women are supposed to be appalled at the thought of even sharing the same breathing space as a married man.  But truth is, [lets say it together chirren] it happens.

Now, it’s not usually a case of targeting married men, but it’s more just finding one’s self in a “situation”.  This does not apply to all single women, just those who really don’t give a damn.   If there are two twins, but one is married, the married one will get the most women by thought as they “wish he were single” or by action as they move in on him.  It’s something in the air that draws women to them.  I interviewed many women over the last few years for my books and articles, all single [who didn’t necessarily sleep with married men-yet], who told me they liked married men for very simple reasons and it had all to do with the commitment factor, and ahem, the sex factor.  And the very last thing—people usually want people other people want.  Human nature.  More reasons below.

1.    “Married men know how to commit to a woman, obviously, at least through legal contract”

2.    “Married men are great in bed, they make love to a woman, slowly caressing you like fine crystal, plucking the strings to your body like a double bass, almost like they’ve been saving it for you”

3.   “Married men have the “daddy” syndrome, they want to make sure you are okay, and don’t bump your dome against the headboard”

4.    “Married men tell it like it is—he can only call you very early in the mornings or very late at night—there are no surprises, he is there, and he is not there”

5.    “Married men are more attractive than single men because it’s already proven that he is desirable, sane, and has a heart, the only three criteria most women need”

6.   ” Though he is “cheating” his capacity to marry is what is attractive to lots of women, if he can marry someone, it shows he has certain discerning abilities you can trust, and makes him less likely to do anything “too risky””

7.    “Married men are usually having sex with you, and the wife, the [misconception] thought is you don’t have to worry about him sleeping around like the single guy”

8.    “Married men have a certain scent, he smells like his woman, the mixing of bodily fluids of his and his wife give him a distinctive scent [look it up] it’s that primal scent that signals and attracts other women, it’s usually the ones who “mix well” with their wife who have the most female admirers”

9.    “Married men love your kids”

10.    “Married men are just easier to control because at the end of the day, he’ll do anything to keep his wife from finding out about YOU”

10 Ways To Make A Man Submit

We all know him.  His wife or girl is the center of his universe.  He doesn’t eat, drink, sleep or walk without her approval.  Sex is totally dominated by her as she gleefully instructs him on how to smack, flip and rub it down.  At the end, he’s mush, curling up next to her like a pet.

Who is this woman?  Her man is not a nerd, a scrub, or handicapped in any way.  He is fine and he can be you next door neighbor.  In fact, some men like this.  Below are 10 tips to make him submit (or at least try:) :

1.    Give him sex on a schedule.  Whether it’s 7 nights a week or 3 nights a week.  A schedule allows him, like a child, to have some treat to look forward to, he will perform accordingly during the day to get his treat, and if he’s been a bad boy, he won’t get any.  Sex at 10pm may not happen, tonight, but he can work hard for sex at 10pm tomorrow.

2.    Slap him on his ass every now and then.  It’s an endearing, sort of subliminal message of dominance you give to your partner.  Your gestures should reflect who’s in charge at all times.

3.    Feed him only small portions at dinner.  Make sure his plate is always smaller than yours.  It is symbolic of his inadequacy.

4.    Praise him in front of family and friends so he becomes totally dependent on your approval and acceptance.  Get them on your side.

5.    Bond with him through mimicking his own gestures and favorite words.  This will build a sense of trust in him for you.  He’ll believe you and him are one.

6.    Bless the horn till the cows come home.  Threaten to stop if he lets out any squirms or sounds.  This will teach him self control.

7.    Teach him all the domestic duties including cleaning, shopping and washing.  That’s his job and he better juggle it well.

8.    Convince him repeatedly that he is crazy.  Even suggest he “talk” to someone.  This will make him always unsure of his thoughts that “you are a crazy bitch”.  Confusion is one of the best methods of controlling others.

9.    Give him the keys to the car only with a written request. There are 1 set of keys for each, 2 cars, and they are both at your disposal.  He must give a thoughtfully written request, brief because you don’t have all day, to ask for car keys that lists day, time, and destination.  Emails are acceptable.

10.    Change the locks every now and then.  It’s important that he never feels completely secure and comfortable with you.  When he comes home from work jolly and merry, and can’t get in, he’ll rethink what he could have done, maybe apologize for God knows what, and after a crazy series of calls to your celly, you can let him in.  Never apologize you just “forgot” to tell him.  He’ll understand.

That’s all..for now.

Virgin Monologues: Have A Sex-Free Weekend!

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By Guest Blogger, Gladys Wilson

Ladies a night out on the town can be a very fun and exciting.

You get all of your girls together and you decided where to go. It can be especially rewarding after a long week of work, work, work.

Remember, for women there are several reasons why we go out. For virgins the motives are pretty simple. We go out to have fun, socialize and meet new people. We do not go out to meet men (if it happens that is a wonderful additive to the evening).  Our main purpose for painting the town is to unwind and release pent up energy.

One thing we should all remember ladies is safety first. You go with me, you leave with me. It is a small rule I have for all of my friends. I am not going to let you leave the club or concert or anywhere for that matter with a man you just met. Wait for day light, he will either still be there or gone. Either way it is in your best interest.

Some ways to have fun, virgin or just not ready for sex tonight:

1.  Wear something that flatters your figure, but does not say cheap. Looking cheap brings unwanted negative attention.

2.  Choose a club or concert that has a good reputation for entertainment. There is nothing worse than going to a club or concert and being bored out of your mind.

3.  Do remember that there are other ways to entertain yourself, like going to a jazz bar, or local restaurant with live local entertainment.

4.  Stay with the group (you can dance with guys but come back to the group afterwards).

5.  Group dances are always fun. I have met the best of characters when my group of friend and I were all on the dance floor.

6.  Do not drink if you don’t know how to hold your liquor. It looks tacky and you become a burden to your friends.

7.  Share the drinks tab, money is tight so if everyone pitches in there will be fun to go around.

8.  Do not accept a drink from a guy. No, they are not all trying to poison you or looking for payment in return. The thing is, you are out to have fun, you don’t want a guy standing there hanging around for the rest of the evening. Remember, you are not leaving with him at the end of the evening. Plus, you never know, he might want something in return.

At the end of the evening, make sure you gather all of your crew (yes even the tipsy once leaning on an eligible bachelor) and head home. I hope that you all had a fun, night and you are good for another two months or so.

See, virgins can have just as much fun as the average girl. We just don’t have the mission of meeting or leaving with a man.

When Sleeping With the Boss Is “Business”

Several months ago, I did a survey of 300 professional women that showed almost 64% of them have slept with their boss or thought about it.

Forty years ago, it would’ve been the way a wife meets her husband.  She’s his secretary and they spend a little too much time alone in the office.  Then they marry.  Or it may be just a way to cool off the tense moments of the busy day.  What’s a girl to do who is a natural flirt and likes to be play with fire now and again?

These days, even so much as repeated second glances can be grounds for filing a sexual harassment suit.  There’s no dating at work. If it is, it has to be hidden.  This doesn’t help single women at all.  It just makes another place where they can’t meet men.  But what better place to meet a man than at your job?  Of course, it depends what job it is, but if you’re there, it should be no problem why he’s there, too.  But let’s get back to the sex.

Sleeping with the boss can be “okay” for any one of the following reasons:

1. There’s an obvious physical attraction that you both have discussed before; it is mutual and agreed
2. You have a guaranteed written promotion filed with HR that can change your career and income tax bracket forever.  This isn’t jockeying for peanuts, but a total coup for your career and lifestyle
3. He’s pumping lots of “bonuses” in your checking acct on a regular basis, while everyone else has to wait until the holidays

Sure, folks may think sleeping around for promotion is a bad thing.  It can be, if you’ve done it all wrong.  Here’s how you mess up:

1. Slept with more than 1 boss at the same company (men talk)
2. Slept with the boss for extra transit checks (peanuts)
3. Slept with the boss because you think he may “look out for you”  (verbal agreements are bad)

Proceed with caution.  Do not try to manipulate a man or use the law in your favor.  In many cases, it backfires, leaving you jobless and black listed.  Use the law if your mental stability is at stake and you feel unsafe.  No one wants to be harassed.  If you are, definitely seek outside counsel.  This is only for the ladies who like to play “secret santa” with the boss.  Sorry, not everyone wants to be a role model for women, or has to be.

ADVICE: Married Women Are Evil

© Domen Colja
© Domen Colja

Dear Alphanista,

I’ve been tryin’ to figure this out for the longest!

I am single, 27, around my married friends some older some younger.  One by one they all started slipping away as soon as they got married.  Some of us went to school together and we were tight before.  Okay, I do understand that when you are married you have more things to do and your family becomes the priority.  But the only times I hear from these chicks now is through the mail or email with photos of their babies and what not.  When I reply or send a gift or acknowledgement they never reply.

So, I stopped.  But it bugged me.  It hurt me.  So, I have two married friends that live near me, and everytime I ask them about hooking me up with somebody single they know (and they know!) it’s always, “You are okay by yourself.  You can’t rush things.  You have to be patient.” Excuse my language.  But I’m like BITCH, I want someone like you have.  They laugh.

I’m not a scrub, I am beautiful, have won several awards, have a nice apartment decent car, great job tech consultant job, and men come at me all the time.  I just am tired of dating random strangers.  Okay, so when we’re on the phone and I’m talking about what kind of man I want they discourage me that I am thinking crazy and I need to learn to accept my life as a single person until the right man comes.  Can you believe this?  I am asking for help.  These are supposed to be my friends.  I can’t wait to get married to show them how to treat others.  It’s like they don’t want me to get married.  Are they jealous?  Is that possible?  They have like a haughty attitude, sort of elitist and I can’t stand it!

So through.
Jade

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Dear Jade:

This is really hurting you, and you have every right to be pissed at them.

You know this is one of the most unspoken issues among women.  Granted there are married women who want to help or hook friends up, but there are many more who don’t.  Many married women and, some have told me this themselves, believe that they are better than single people.  In most people’s mundane lives, being married is the pinnacle of their existence.  It makes them “unique”.  If you take that away, they are nothing again.

You, Jade, may be like that woman that they want to be, wanted to be or their husband would date.  It does sound like you have a lot going on for you, so you have many things to be proud of and speak about.  They are probably wondering why do you need any more blessings.  Look, I’m being raw here.  These are day to day feelings most people don’t talk about.  They don’t want someone to have more than they do.  It boils down to a feeling of lack.  Like there isn’t enough happiness to go around.  If I hook her up, and she gets happier than me, then what does that say about me?  What do I do?  No one wants to explain this.

Now, you know I gotta bring it back.  Years ago, women used to look out for women when it came to men.  Suggesting this guy that guy.  Having little parties.  Hooking up their single girls, etc.  It was in order.  They believed there were lots of men, everybody deserved one.

But as soon as talks of “shortages” and “all the good ones are taken” comes up, everybody grabs on to theirs.  If you get married, then they have someone else to compete with.  You’ll take them out of their comfort zone of “being better than”.  These are not true friends.  True friends who are happy, want to spread it around to everyone, even strangers.

This is not to say that married women are obligated to do anything.  They don’t have to hook their friends up.  But as in most situations that a friend would need help—with a job, party planning, babysitting, it’s expected that they would help here.

Finally, stop asking these type of married friends to hook you up.  Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you single and wanting what they have.  Live your life, find alternative (non random methods) to bring that man in your life because you will.  Let’s see how many friends you’ll have then?

From Alphanista w/love

MR