Author: admin

How An Escort Can Save Your Relationship


A classic!  Enjoy!


By Guest Blogger @ebonybodyworks

Why do men cheat, especially with escorts?

This is the million dollar question of the day.  The question that’s been asked by Oprah, Redbook, Essence Magazine, Dr. Phil, and a host of other sources trying to get to the bottom of this domestic issue.

And the answer is (Drum roll Please)


Every man has his own reason for wanting to participate in this particular vice, and it’s not always for reasons that you may think of like sex and perversion.  Because lets face it- If it’s only about sex, he can do that alone and at home, for free.  More than likely, the answer lies somewhere between lack of intimacy and the love of variety, and for the men that want variety, there’s really no exact cure unless he gets caught.

Men that desire variety can cheat forever, and that’s why you have men that “Hobby” (industry term) for 10, 20, and 30 years.  It’s the excitement of being with someone new, without having to do the whole courting and dating thing.

Then you have the men that come to us due to lack of intimacy at home, or the embarrassment of having a particular kink or fetish that his wife may find repugnant.  [Use your imagination here]

Men come to us for the openness, the acceptance, the excitement.  And some men come for the adrenaline rush of having done something naughty…. like cheat.

In the end, the wife may be asking me or herself; how can I keep this from happening to me?  After being in my line of work for 5 years, I learned a few things.  Here are some suggestions:

– Keep lines of communications open at all times. Make it so that he’s comfortable telling you his deepest darkest secrets.

– Don’t judge him so much.  Seem interested in the things that he’s interested in, even if those things seem ridiculous to you.  Fake it!

– Make his surroundings good to come home to.  Have Incense, candles, jazz music, and his favorite drink available.  Even with my “primary partner”, he can come over at any given time and my house is ALWAYS clean, incense are burning, jazz music is playing, and I’m laid back chilling with one of my favorite drinks in hand.  And guess what?  He pulls up a seat and sticks a round!

– Be more feminine and learn to lower your voice.  This is by far the best secret when it comes to men.  Men love it when you talk to them in a NON confrontational tone.  I NEVER raise my voice above its laid back tone (because I like my blood pressure to be nice and normal).

Last but not least…..

-Have fun with your man.  Laugh with him, make him laugh.  We as black women take everything so serious like the apocalypse is tomorrow.  Do things that you and him wouldn’t normally do like have dinner at a burlesque club or a Jazz bistro. Watch porn together, go to strip clubs together.  If you’re adventurous, then participate in amateur night and give him a lap dance.

There are so many different ways to please your man, and everyday you should be brainstorming ideas to keep the spice alive, and those juices flowing.  I’m constantly brainstorming for new and exciting ideas because I want them to keep coming back, and you should be NO different.

Because lets face it- once he starts looking on Craigslist for hookers and hook-ups, you’re losing, not winning.

by @ebonybodyworks on Instagram

The Virgin Monologues: Court Me


An alphanista knows there’s more than one way to win…especially when the “old way” hasn’t done much for ‘ya….

By Guest Blogger, Gladys Wilson (ohthesweet)

Courting has been around for all time and some people have embraced, while others have shunned it.

Practicing Christians embrace courting as a way to develop a relationship with the opposite sex and remain with in the guidelines set by God. The main goal of courting is to see if your partner is the right one for you to marry. That is the sole goal. People who court do not date.

I feel that anybody, Christian or not can decide to court. Courting is a way of forming a relationship that can heal old wounds or keep your heart from being shredded to pieces. The number one rule of courting is no sex. No sex of any kind.

However, courting is more than not having a sexual relationship with a person. It is deeper than that. It is seeing the person for who they truly are, without the cloudiness and emotions that come along with a sexually involved relationship. When you court someone, you become their friend and they become yours. If the person is compatible with you, then you create a deep bond, which will last a lifetime.

Six ways to ensure your courting relationship is successful:

1 Make sure that courting is right for you. Have to believe in it, have self control and be disciplined.

2 Tell your intended partner about your goals up front. For example, explain to them your intentions of courting.

3 Chose to visit with each other in open setting or by doing character building activities.

4 Dress modestly, to avoid giving off the wrong message. You can wear clothes that are flattering to your figure without it saying Motel 6.

5 Get to know each others families, and friends that will tell you a lot about your partner.

6 Always be fully aware of your partners faith based beliefs and how those beliefs play out in their lives.

Courting is fun and although it is not emotion free, you can end a courting relationship on mutual agreement, because both you and your partner will be fully aware of your feelings or lack thereof towards each other. Yes, your heart will ache a little, but it will not break in several tiny pieces.

To find out more about our guest blogger, please go to

The Alphanista @Home Series

By Aminah Hanan

Welcome to a new feature here at Alphanista.

The Alphanista at Home series is meant to inspire the most discerning Alphanistas as we embark upon a quest to take control of our environment and create our own uniquely beautiful worlds. This feature will focus on our homes, entertaining, food, arts and crafts, DIY, and because we could all use a gentle reminder sometimes – good old etiquette.

If you have been silencing your inner domestic diva and are yearning to set her free Alphanista is here to help. Maybe you find yourself at a loss for words in awkward situations (What exactly do you say to your fiancés’ beloved mother when she tells you flat out there is no way in hell her son is marrying you?) Alphanista’s Guide to Etiquette has got you covered. Too busy to catch up with B. Smith or Martha Stewart? No worries. Alphanista at Home will help put you up on find the flyest most practical crafts to add to your artistic repertoire.

It does not matter if you are a professional working outside of the home, a stay at home mom, married or single there will be something for everyone.

So what do you need to do to help make the Alphanista at Home series a success? Simply email me with your concerns, questions, or suggestions. If you are an alpha female that has successfully channeled her inner domestic diva and wants to be featured in the At Home With An Alphanista spotlight?  I want to hear from you.

So let’s get it in Alphanistas. Spring has sprung and there is no better time to commit to making our houses homes. Remember there is nothing sexier than an alpha female who creates her own world!

Aminah Hanan is an alpha female, blogger, book lover, blog conference Program Director, crafter, Health Care Professional, and writer who lives in Chicago with her family. Email her at

Weekend Rewind: Alphanista Career Q & A: Crazy Boss!

facebookBy Guest Blogger Wendy Coakley-Thompson

Q:  I logged on to Facebook a couple of weeks ago and noticed a friend request from my boss. This shocked the hell out of me. First of all, I don’t know how she found me there. But the request is troubling, because the woman is hell on heels. Think Miranda Priestley from The Devil Wears Prada – minus the talent and good looks. If she was consistently crazy, then I could get used to her. But this woman is like a box of chocolates; you truly don’t know what you’re going to get from one day to the next. This on top of the borderline racist things she’s said and done, like touching my hair on the sneak tip as if I wouldn’t notice. Or telling me she’s assigning me to projects strictly because both the client and I happen to be Black, like that would give her some kind of advantage.  I’ve prayed about it. I’ve tried to ignore her or treat her like I was raised right. I’ve even asked my friends for advice.

But those friends tell me that I can’t fight crazy with common sense. The only bright spot in my day is leaving her crazy ass and coming home to the safety of social networking. Now I have to see her hideous mug on Facebook. I’m afraid that if I don’t confirm her, I’ll be committing career suicide and exposing myself to a whole other level of insanity. I need this job. Plus crazy boss aside, I love my work. What should I do?

I think you already know the answer to your question.

If your boss is “hell on heels” in the reality of the cube farm, what makes you think she’ll be any less insane in cyberspace? Think of everything you put on your Facebook page. You’d be giving this woman license to pry into your life and spy on you. Don’t think employers don’t do it already. From Googling employees to running credit and background checks on them, employers find reasons to be all up in your life. You only have to type boss+Facebook+friend into your favorite search engine to find reasons why accepting this woman’s friend request is not a good idea. Why would you give the nails for your own coffin to someone who you characterize as a “crazy ass”?

So, what can you do? Door Number One: Accept the friend request anyway and invite this woman into your personal life – not recommended. Door Number Two: Decline the request, with a polite message that reads something like “Thanks, but I prefer to keep my work and private lives separate.” You take your chances with this ballsy move, but you have to weigh the possibility of incurring your boss’s wrath against safeguarding your personal life. Or, Door Number Three, just let the friend request sit there on your home page as ammunition for a possible lawsuit, should it come to that.

And from what you say about this woman, the possibility of litigation doesn’t seem so far-fetched.

Either way, Alphanistas act decisively. If you choose Doors Two or Three and still lose your job, you’ll know that, like a true Alpha female who sticks to her guns, you went out on your feet – not on your knees.

Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Check her out at


Thigh High Love


By Guest Blogger, Goldie

Thigh High Boots, even more than last year, are big this season.

So is the intimidation to slide into a pair but avoid looking like a streetwalker. There are heeled versions and flat versions.

If you are conservative, go for a flat, equestrian style and if it does have heels, keep the heel chunky. I assume that if you’re conservative eye skims over the spiked studded thigh high leather boots, you might assume they are not for you. Not that pair, no. But Tory Burch is a brand you might check into. She offers a preppy version of season’s trends.

Platforms and embellishments are for the daring. The only argument I’ll forward is the more embellishments applied to the boot, the less wear you can get of it. Purple, studded boots with a platform won’t spread through your wardrobe like a flat pair of brown thigh highs. Be practical. How many times are you planning on wearing this pair? So why are you spending 80 bucks on a pair from Wet Seal when you plan on wearing them once a week? They’ll show wear in a month or less. Quality is everything in shoes, I can’t say that enough.

Let me also add there are do’s and dont’s to these boots:

  • DO wear skinny jeans and leggings with them. Depending on the style and fabric of the shaft of the boot, stuffing the fabric into your jeans will show.
  • DONT wear anything that its hemlines don’t touch midthigh unless you are wearing tights or leggings underneath a short top.
  • DONT wear the heeled versions with miniskirts during the day. Enough said
  • DO use this as a time to layer up on some accessories. Like a loose tissue-weight cashmere scarf, hat, or Snood(elliptical scarf the has enough volume to double as a hood)
  • DO research companies that make slimmers boot shafts, wide boot shafts, or even a cobbler who can do the work for you. Not everyone can just buy a pair of boots.

Last, try it! Go to the store and try them on. Sometimes, you have to see it on you to be convinced of what a fox you are in them. Alphanistas aren’t afraid of a challenge so get out there and go for it.

It’s All In Your Head

By Guest Blogger Mila

I just watched P.S. I Love You, the movie with Hillary Swank and Gerard Butler.

I cried throughout the whole movie. Despite the pile of wadded tissues I built up, the movie was very good! I recommend watching it if you haven’t already. The opening scene consists of a big fight between Butler (who plays Gerry) and Swank (who plays Holly), who are a married couple. I thought the scene was hilarious in its realistic portrayal of couples arguing.

Swank plays a woman who likes to plan everything out and have things organized the way she likes. Butler plays an easy-going Irish hunk who just loves to crack jokes and play his wife songs on his guitar. When they fight, it builds up into more than what their initial argument was about. They start to pull in past arguments and pick at all these little things. My favorite lines go something like this-

Swank: “Do you want to leave? Then leave!”
Butler: “NO I don’t want to leave. Do YOU want me to leave?”
Swank: “No, but if you want to leave then leave. You know you already want to leave.”
Butler: “Well if you want me to leave then I’m leaving.”
Swank: “FINE leave.”

Catch the miscommunication there? I laughed out loud because I can think of many people (including me) who do this when they fight. You create huge arguments in your head, when the actual argument at hand isn’t really that bad. The best thing to do in a fight is to stay calm and rational. It’s so easy to pick on someone when you’re really mad. I’ll bring up little things that didn’t even bother me before. All of a sudden they become daggers I toss around in my argument. The truth is that little things aren’t really weapons in a fight. They just make things worse.

So, stay rational even when all you want to do is throw something at your man’s face. Remember what’s in your head and what’s actually the issue at hand.

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Dating A Beta A.K.A Mr. “Shy”

by Guest Blogger Mila

My close girlfriend is an alpha female and generally has no problem dating.

So I was surprised when she called me worrying that this guy she’s dating may no longer be interested in her. They had gone on two dates and planned to go to the museum next week. I was impressed that they were already doing the museum date. The museum date is a step above the bar or club date, where you feel sheltered by the dim lighting and loud music. She said that they hadn’t talked in a couple of days and the last communication was via email.

Who emails their date? This guy does. He is also soft-spoken, gentle, and quite shy. My theory is that he is not disinterested; rather he’s probably waiting around for her to text him first. He is the typical shy guy. The shy guy is the one who emails his date instead of calling. He is the one who pays for every date and always insists on doing “whatever you want”. He is not opinionated like the alpha male, and he certainly is not the type to spontaneously text you a flirty message.

However, the shy guy is still a nice guy and totally worth dating. He really cares about his girl, and he will go out of his way to take care of her. So, I told my friend that she needs to take the initiative to contact him and make him feel comfortable. He’s dating an attractive, successful, bold young woman. He’s intimidated! It is possible for a guy to be intimidated, believe it or not.

So, for those ladies dating shy guys, here are a couple of suggestions:

•    Take the initiative if he is quiet. Most likely he’s waiting for you to contact him. Don’t be afraid to ask him on a date, but remember he needs baby steps. He may never have dated such a bold, outgoing girl before.
•    Ease him into the dating game. Instead of bringing him to the lounge to meet 10 of your best-friends, perhaps start with a romantic dinner at a quiet restaurant.
•    Remember that he may be an introvert, so give him time to speak his mind. Try not to dominate the conversations you have.
•    Lastly, the shy guy is a sucker for compliments. Make him feel good about himself by letting him know he looks good or his cologne smells delicious. You’ll be surprised that even men enjoy compliments as much as we do. Before you know it, your shy guy will come out of his shell and be a faithful companion.

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Why A Man Gets

Virgin Monologues: I’m A Virgin

Fotolia: © camrocker
Fotolia: © camrocker

Enjoy this classic!

Guest Blogger, Ms. G.  (26)

An alpha female can be a virgin and proud of it.

Today’s virgin is a strong woman. She is goal driven, meticulous, seeks justice for all, and is trustworthy. She is also pure in heart, spirit mind and soul. It is her job and duty to be the exactor of social justice and lead by example. You can believe that a man will never bring her down, her goals in life are to be the best daughter, sister, employer, employee, student, co-worker and human that she can ever be.

However, most of all today’s virgin is a woman on an ultimate mission, a mission that so many other powerful women that have come before her have undertaken. Nothing and absolutely nothing can deter her from this mission. There are two things. Only two things to remember about this woman. She will do anything and I mean any thing to protect the dignity and the sovereignty of her mission. What is this mission you ask? Well let me tell you.

Her mission is to be the best mother and lover she can be. This woman will go to many lengths to see that this happens. There is nothing in the world that she holds more sacred than her man, marriage and her children. Oh yes she is a professional, and she will work, but her children and husband will always come first.


Here are some ways to make sure you stay a virgin:

1.    Make up your mind not to have sex before you go out with the girls.

2.    If a man wants to have a long-term relationship with you, be honest and tell him up front. If you want it, put a ring on it.

3.    Let every man know that you are open to talk and have fun, but not open for sex (that way they don’t have any expectations)

4.    Always try and go out with your man, don’t stay indoors and in intimate settings

5.    After a wonderful date, leave him at the door, no nightcaps.

6.    It is all in the body language; say you are sexy but not wanting.

(Stay tuned for more)

Time For A Contest!

203009-1_10Everyone loves free stuff right? So now’s your chance to get your hands on a $25 Macy’s gift card for doing little to nothing.  You can use it get something new for summer or deduct from a big purchase. Subscribers get a lot of love here at  If you are a current subscriber – congratulations! You are already entered in the drawing!  And to win this contest you must be a subscriber. Now that you are a subscriber – you’ve earned one entry – now don’t you want to increase your chances of winning? Here’s how to get more entries:

  • Comment on this post – 1 additional entry
  • Email this post to a friend – 2 additional entries (can only be earned once) (use the “email to a friend” icon to receive credit)
  • Tweet or Write an entry on your blog discussing the contest and linking back to this post.   – 5 additional entries Sample text: is holding their first contest and you could win a $25 Macy’s gift card! It’s easy to enter, all you have to do is subscribe to the blog!

If you did all of these very simple tasks – you could earn 9 entries to the contest – greatly increasing your odds of winning! Act quickly, this contest ends on Friday, July 10th at 11:59pm.  The winner will be announced on Monday, July 13th. Get your first entry now by subscribing to

All I Want For Christmas

Credit: AzmanL

By Te-Erika Patterson

Do you want to delight your Alphanista this holiday season? It’s not too late to earn her appreciation. Try any of these gift ideas to make your superstar smile.

A Delicious Meal – She’s so worn out from building her empire (or supporting you while you build yours) that she needs some replenishment. Tell her you have something special for her. Have her wait for you in her favorite cozy spot while you make her a home made meal filled with her favorite treats. Don’t forget dessert and you might get some dessert later.

Something That Sparkles – She LOVES sparkles. Preferably the Asscher cut. No more than 1 ½ karats though; anything larger will be too gaudy.

A Body Massage – She’ll remember why she chose you when she’s listening to Orange Moon by Erykah Badu as you caress her naked body with sweet smelling lotions while telling her all the ways she intrigues and delights you. Don’t forget the happy ending. Yes, ladies love that too!

A Pleasant Surprise – A new sound system for her car or even a connection she’s been trying to make to help her reach her next goal. Do something  that she can’t quite seem to do for herself and watch her melt in your arms.

A Real Orgasm – It’s not about you tonight. It’s about making love to her entire body. Pay special attention to the area behind her knees and her collarbone.  Strategically place tasty fruits and desserts across her body and don’t leave a crumb behind as you have your midnight snack. Find her Oh Button. You know just where it is. Press it. Often. Make her beg you to stop.

Te-Erika Patterson frequently writes blog posts for Alphanista.  To learn more about her visit her at