Weekend Rewind: Are You Married Without A Husband?


By Guest Blogger, Estelle Lee

If you are not a wife, and acting like one, then you are.  Living with someone with or without “a ring” doesn’t make you any better than the live-in girlfriend.  Here’s how to avoid the “domestic” trap:

1) Six months-1 year time limit to get engaged

2) No stripper poles, strippers, or exes in the bedroom, leave the freaky stuff for after the I dos!

3) Don’t move in without at least an engagement ring AND a date

4) Leave him if after 1 year he cannot decide what to do with you

5) Don’t take him back more than once after he *ucks up

What does this all do?  Bring the power back to your relationship in the the lap of the woman where it belongs.  Once men start controlling time and happenings things take forever.  They just can’t multi-task!  If you are upset about your dead end relationship or dead end single status, wake up.

Estelle Lee is a wife of 4 who has been married for 10 years.  She works at home and home-schools her children and is currently training her 3 daughters to be wives.

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  1. Lisa says:

    I got the answers to all of the questions that THC posted simply by paying attention to my man while we were dating and how he acted when I stayed at his place and vice-versa. We didn’t need to live together to figure those things out.

    We also “jumped into marriage” 20 months after we met. So far, so good.

  2. jubilee says:

    I think the ‘old school ‘ people said it best: ‘men don’t buy the COW when they could get the MILK for FREE….also, most men aren’t MEN unless they’re MARRIED ANYWAY…The vows used to say: I pronounce you MAN AND WIFE and also, people didn’t have as much clinical depression as they have now…Although, I don’t know if women in depression has anything to do with people ‘livnig together’ years on end w/o a commitment and babies besides..Also I also know guys usually listen to what the woman puts up with anyway….we have PHD’s and no common sense when it comes to men…..sigh

  3. Ms. Tee says:

    ughh..how disgusting. she’s training her 3 daughters to be wives? Why not train them to be HAPPY and CONTENT with their lives? I hate when women define their success by their ability to hook a man. yuck. and double yuck.

  4. daphne says:

    Hmmm, it seems to me that the questions listed by THC shouldn’t take that long to answer, assuming that the woman is paying attention. They are valid questions, but I’m not sure why physically living with someone for an extended period of time guarantees more than a woman verifying these questions within 2,3,6 or however many months of dating a man.

    Ultimately, if you can’t ascertain the type of man he is without living with him, that’s a problem. Sure, there are details you won’t know prior to sharing a home, but the dealbreakers should be discoverable, unless he’s actively trying to hide certain aspects of himself. If he is, there’s your answer, and you can decide to remain involved or keep it moving.

  5. EbonyLolita says:

    I’m 30 and I can only give a guy 1.5yrs to figure out if he’s marriage material. Yeah I might do the trips/bonding and whatnot, but if it’s not leading to marriage I’m bailing after 1.5yrs.

    Now after you’ve both done your homework and the TWO of you have decided that you’re ready for Marriage, go and get a frickin marriage license in the courthouse. You can continue to plan the “Big Church Ceremony” if you’re into that all while your LEGALLY married and actively planning. People play too much and if a man wants to marry you then he’ll probably be happy just going to get the license and working on the other stuff later.

    I think Women get caught up in the ceremony and most men know that so they use it as time to stall on women while they’re getting the milk for free shacked up. No time for games, go after what you want. If he’s not willing to be your HUSBAND… It’s time to AlphaUp and BAIL 🙂

    Love, EbonyLolita 😉

  6. Zabeth says:

    @ Drea, I completely agree. I know many of my girlfriends who moved in with boyfriends thinking they’d eventually get married one day. Instead they just ended up living with the man for years on end, or became baby mamas. Once the women gave the men “ultimatums,” as THC puts it, it was too late. The men had become comfortable, they had all of the benefits of a wife without actually having to have a wife. I say if you’re happy living together and marriage isn’t a priority for you than do what makes you happy.

    I don’t look at the tips offered here as ultimatums but simply part of the negotiation. As much as we romanticize it marriage is the merging of lifestyles, money, and assets- it’s a business deal.

  7. Drea says:

    @THC I think every woman has to decide what is best for them because I know for sure I could not be happy just living with a man indefinitely NOT AT ALL.

  8. I don’t believe that “successful marriages” exist without a fair compromise that both parties can agree on. I don’t believe in giving a man all these crazy ultimatums if we’re already a happy couple living together.

  9. Here we go with these “Parlor Tricks” again to get men to marry us.

    I need at least 2 years live-in time with my man so that I can see what type of person he is.

    -Is he responsible?
    -Does he pay his bills in a timely manner?
    -Does he like kids?
    -Will he get along with my family?
    -How is his hygiene habits and how does he keep a home?
    -Is the home flow going to be smooth?
    -Is he selfish?
    -Can he financially maintain the household?

    This is not 1950 where men and women were more family oriented and getting married straight out of High School was customary. Men today are different, and so are we.

    Can you cook?
    Can you clean?
    Is your attitude positive?
    Are you a good mother?
    Can you balance your finances?
    Can you keep your mouth shut?
    Are you a good listener?

    So many things we need to take into consideration before we jump into something like marriage after only 6 months of living together.

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