Weekend Rewind: Any Man Without A R-ing Is Ripe For The Pick-ing
January 2, 2009
(This is an oldie, but goodie that got lots of attention. Sometimes the truth hurts. In a neat, tidy world everything would be cut and dry, but below is about when it isn’t and you have to do with the real. New posts Monday. Enjoy!)
A glass of reality can taste pretty bad. On a recent advice blog, I told a young lady who was involved with someone else’s fiance to go for it. They did, and she updated me that they are now together, and happy. He didn’t leave his ex-fiance because he found something better, he simply left because he could. He wasn’t married. He was free to move on, and so was she. But unless a man is married to a woman, no one “owns” him. It pains me (after I laugh) how many women are obsessed with finding out if their man is cheating, or why he cheats. No one knows the answer to that, but the man in question. No amount of ironing, cooking, scrubbing his feet, cooking, or even sex is going to stop a man from cheating. For some men, it’s just who he is. He’s gonna cheat on you–period. Others, have phases, more prone in summer, than winter, more prone around his birthday, than Columbus Day, stuff like that.
Because of this ambiguity, it’s very hard to stake a claim on a man. It can be love all day, all night. You swear he won’t hurt you. Then some other woman comes in and scoops him up. Can you blame her? You shouldn’t. She wasn’t the one in a relationship. These days, the number of single women can really pose a threat to national security. In fact, if I could find it, long ago, a French politician said that a world of too many single women is dangerous to the structure of society. I wonder why? Where there’s lots of single women, there’s gonna be men. Should you lose weight? Buy sexier lingerie? No. You can’t stop it. These women want a man, too, and your man is up for grabs. You can’t be mad at them. They need love too. Just think back when you were single. And no, I don’t believe you would never.
In my book, USE ME OR LOSE ME, Farah ended up befriending her man’s mistress, and won. The best way to work a sitiatuation like this with a man is to let him, not literally, but just let him be who is, whether it’s the cheater or the saint. Be at peace with yourself. You have a choice. Don’t be mad because you still choose to be with him when he does. At the end of the day, you want a man who’s going to stay, not one you have to keep. An “alphanista” loves her man, but loves herself a little bit more.
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this is so damn true love the advice you gave the other girl last week
if all women thought like this, relationships would last so much longer and be much stronger.
Personally, I believe that karma is a bitch. What you put out there does come back to you. My advice to any woman who is considering entering into a relationship with a married or otherwise attached man needs to ask her self: would you want someone to do this to you? Would you really want to hear your husband/boyfriend’s mistress say to you “Well, I needed love too!” as a justification?
While I agree that you shouldn’t hold anger towards the woman- as she wasn’t the one in the relationship. But I think that any woman who knowingly enters into a relationship with a married or otherwise compromised man is worthy of some spite. I think that the lady you blogged about is the exception rather than the rule; his girlfriend was already cheating on him (karma).
And, no I wouldn’t consider a man who was currently in a relationship as a relationship possibility. And yes I am single. But I’d rather be single than have to share a man or seek out someone else’s. Just my $.02.
I understand that life happens…But it would be beneficial to both parties to cut off all other ties before engaging in a relationship…And if mystery man is married a definite no-no…
I actually don’t condone it. If the man is in a relationship, then the woman needs to honor it. IF the man wants to be involved with a new woman, he should end the old relationship–simple as that.
This man can’t be trusted. Why would a woman set herself up for disappointment just to say she got “her” man that used to be someone else’s.
One major reason why men cheat is not the woman’s fault. It is sexual addiction. Women, you need to find out what his training ground is of his sexual habits. If you sense something before you were married or he always wanted sex from you and never seemed to be pleased, he probably has this addiction. Don’t laugh, it’s just as real as alcohol or drug addiction.
Tony,
I must say that sex can be addicting for some. It is a control that cannot be stop no matter what. Just have to have it! If you read Zane book, addicted you will understand that this is a problem not only for man but for woman. This addiction can cause someone to be with both sexes at the same time or one now and one later. But you’re correct it is a addiction and a strong one. I find that woman who are open or have open relationship will have a stronger relationship (at times) than the woman who think she too good for certain things. Bottom like if a man is not married why not go for it.
A man who can’t commit before you say I do will not commit after you say I do.
this is so true sometimes in this world things are not black and white, the only people who have a prob with this are people in relationships, i also think this is important for women to know that if they are not married to who they are with, they should always keep their options open
@Heather that is the next follow up blog soon, thanks
Can this rule apply to men? I agree with this rule in regards to women taking a man from another women however I am not sure it can be applied the other way around. Why? In my personal view as a man if I can take her from her man she can be taken from me by another man. She has proven that she can be taken which sets a precedent that it could occur again the future. Nevertheless, this is not clear cut rule in my book because it depends on that mans particular circumstances, situations, and history with that women.
Therefore I would be inclined to wait things out until she is single or in flux. Furthermore, this rule would only applies to women I could see myself being in a long term relationship with or eventually marrying. If she does not fit that group she is fair game. Happy New Years.
Still laughing, where do you get this from, great perspective! Gonna bring this up over dinner with a girlfriend tonight but she may think I want her man!
It’s so important to love me more than any man who could just walk away. Like Fantasia once said, “Go ahead and free yourself”.