Another Look At: PHAEDRA PARKS

Let’s get to the business.  Perfectly, appropriate for a woman who seems to be treating her life like one.

This is not a negative post about Phaedra (Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member), you can read the other blogs for that.  On this blog, we do look at the flip side, the side less visited, the side probably very little agree with.

It’s easy to write how fake she looks or her convict husband this or that.  Let’s look at the positive side.  For one, she is educated and values her education.  She looked around at her life and took inventory.  Instead of the prolonged pity party, focusing on what her girl friends may think, she made changes.  She saw that she didn’t have a child, she wanted one, but she didn’t want to be alone.  She saw that she didn’t have a husband, she wanted one, because she wanted one.  She saw that her life may have been full with what she had going on on the outside, but little on the inside.  She wanted to paint the perfect life.

She took stock of what she can work with and created her world.  It’s not a heroic act, it’s real life.  It’s obvious her and hubby know little about each other, but so do the thousands of arranged marriages in the world, which studies show are equal or more successful than American “romantic” marriages.  It’s obvious that he’s not all that into it for now, and maybe she isn’t either.  They are both playing some part in each other lives to fulfill some need.  Oftentimes, loves grows from there,.

The baby she is carrying was made quickly, so to speak.  It all seems to be working out to Phaedra’s plan.  Of course, we’d like to see the fairytale for everyone, but if you look closely there is a bit of Phaedra in a lot of women.  Whether it is about a man, a car, a job, or a pair of shoes.  There is something, that feels like if you had it life would be better. But have you ever thought about that maybe you did not become the person you thought you’d become, is the reason why you don’t have the life you thought you should?

Now, the trick is to finally realize that it is not about that, but about you.  Because when you do create your world, and you are not the person who is supposed to be in that world, may God have mercy on you.

More on this later this week.

17 comments

  1. Pingback: World Spinner
  2. Miss Andi K. says:

    Hey Daphne,

    I didn\’t think of it that way. I have to agree, those Enron/Haliburton wives probably can say that they did not know what their husbands were involved in. After reading this post, I did a bit more research on this woman, and am I far fetched when saying that I think her husband is on the DL? The first time I saw him I thought he was gay.

    So, perhaps their arragement goes much deeper than we can care to imagine…

  3. Phaedra is pure entertainment to me, and no matter how ridiculous I think she is on the show, she is definitely an escape. She’s kinda like a black southern version of the 80’s TV Show Dynasty. Pure over the top entertainment.

  4. daphne says:

    I don’t watch the show, so I’m responding to the article and the little I have heard/read about this lady.

    Personally, how is this any different than the Becky’s who are married to the Enron/Haliburton guys? They do this all of the time.

    Did she marry him knowing he was a white collar criminal? I think, for me, that’s a key distinction. It’s one thing to stand by your husband when he’s been accused or convicted of a crime. It’s entirely another to willfully and knowingly choose a criminal (white collar or otherwise) for your husband. The Beckys who are trying to marry well generally don’t go there. Unless you know of a woman married an Enron/Haliburton man post-conviction, that is as accomplished as Phaedra seems to be.

    As for the arranged marriage perspective, I thought that those marriages were usually due to shared values and culture, and it was a MUTUAL benefit to both parties (and particularly of benefit to the woman, especially if the couple has children). I can understand why such marriages are as or more successful than marrying purely for love – after the feelings of romantic love fade, that’s when the shared values and culture become really important. But really – she couldn’t find *anyone else* willing to be married yet wasn’t a criminal?

    Is she getting anything out of the marriage? Hopefully, it’s more than a child. Will he be actively involved in the child’s life? Because if he isn’t – how is that any different than being an unmarried mother (as EbonyLolita mentioned)? At least you only have to worry about ONE dependent in such a scenario, given that money isn’t an issue for her.

  5. Kristee says:

    I also agree with the perspective that this woman has fought for her fame and does deserve to live the life that she chooses. I guess she has signed the ink to expose her deepest secrets to the public by signing on to Housewives of Atlanta. Yes we see that their marriage is still in the beginning processes and really who is anyone to judge as sometimes people can be married for 20 years or more and still don’t know each other. Obviously, dude may be taking advantage and Phaedra wants a baby=win/win. I commend her for taking action. The baby will need a solid emotional foundation just as much as the materialistic one that we know that she is capable of providing. Just hope that whatever happens, the child is well off.

  6. EbonyLolita says:

    We’ve already spoken about her abrasive personality so Imma stick to the post for now 🙂

    There is nothing wrong w/wanting things & setting yourself up to have them. But…. there is NO guarantee in Life that just b/c you paint a picture that makes it a Masterpiece. I’d respect Phaedra more if she put her Life together & had a better attitude about it. But she doesn’t & instead b/c she knows that her painted life is a facade she is bitter in her words & actions towards Everybody.

    She wants a husband right? Well she bought one, right again? Well how do you expect to maintain your purchase when you use ignorant & hurtful comments in your description of the mate that YOU chose. I think he’s totally find w/spending her $$$ while he’s married to her, but rest assured he’s already making moves to get with the next unsatisfied woman that’s willing to “Keep” a pretty boy convict. This will make Phaedra no different then all the other single mothers out there struggling to raise their child(ren) who were never married.

    All this fairytale babyshower fuc$ery made her looks pitiful & delusional as far as who she is & what she represents. I LMAO b/c it was far removed from what someone who had genuine friends & family would do so I took it for what it was…… a rahtid Poppyshow *Shrugs*

    Can’t wait to see what new posts you come up with on Ms. Pheadra *SouthernBelle* Parks

    EbonyLolita 😉

  7. Miss Andi K. says:

    Yes, I figured that much. I am just trying to understand the fuss about how she met her husband. I did a little background on her and found out that she is an Entertainment Lawyer (makin’ serious bank), and people seem to dislike that she is married to a white-collar criminal. Personally, how is this any different than the Becky’s who are married to the Enron/Haliburton guys? They do this all of the time.

    As a woman of color doing her thing, and trying to have it all at the same time; I commend another woman for being die-hard about her career AND personal life. I can’t wait to share my 9 Tuesdays testimony…! 😀

  8. Miss Andi K. says:

    I’m not sure who this woman is. Could we have a bit of background? How did she meet her husband? Where they set up by a matchmaker? And what does she do for a living? LOL, I am sooo out of the loop! Fill me in (I’m nosy!).

  9. Lamar Dawn says:

    Lets keep it real ! Dude is with her for the money…..He knows he would never be ever to live that style of life on his on..Did you see the show when he was talking about spending $3,500 for a pair of dress shoes??? Everybody getting used in that relationship

  10. Shanerii says:

    @Maryann,
    I really like this article…the point(s) you make are ones that most people who watch the show or are talking about Phaedra aren’t paying close attention to. Even though I can agree with some of the superficial stuff on TV, when we start talking about her background and what she has accomplished…def a business/career woman looking to make her mark. I also think it is becoming more common for “accomplished” black women- who have done everything education/career wise- to then seek out perfecting other areas of their lives which are less developed or fulfilling. For many of us it is the personal relationships arena and building our own families because we’ve been so focused on doing everything else. I don’t think Phaedra is wrong for wanting and creating/seekign these things for herself. I think the problem lies in how/who she went about doing it which really may not be healthy relationships wise. However, you make a great point – in many cultures arranged marriages of some sort are still the norm and have high rates of success despite the couple not knowing each other extensively. One thing is for sure, Phaedra could be/is successful in life because she decides what she wants and strategically goes after it until she conquers it. She just took that same business approach to creating and building her family.

  11. Dina says:

    She is like those women who got to be in charge all the time and she choose the perfect partner in crime (no pun!).

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