Weekend Rewind: Alphanista Career Q & A: Crazy Boss!

facebookBy Guest Blogger Wendy Coakley-Thompson

Q:  I logged on to Facebook a couple of weeks ago and noticed a friend request from my boss. This shocked the hell out of me. First of all, I don’t know how she found me there. But the request is troubling, because the woman is hell on heels. Think Miranda Priestley from The Devil Wears Prada – minus the talent and good looks. If she was consistently crazy, then I could get used to her. But this woman is like a box of chocolates; you truly don’t know what you’re going to get from one day to the next. This on top of the borderline racist things she’s said and done, like touching my hair on the sneak tip as if I wouldn’t notice. Or telling me she’s assigning me to projects strictly because both the client and I happen to be Black, like that would give her some kind of advantage.  I’ve prayed about it. I’ve tried to ignore her or treat her like I was raised right. I’ve even asked my friends for advice.

But those friends tell me that I can’t fight crazy with common sense. The only bright spot in my day is leaving her crazy ass and coming home to the safety of social networking. Now I have to see her hideous mug on Facebook. I’m afraid that if I don’t confirm her, I’ll be committing career suicide and exposing myself to a whole other level of insanity. I need this job. Plus crazy boss aside, I love my work. What should I do?

I think you already know the answer to your question.

If your boss is “hell on heels” in the reality of the cube farm, what makes you think she’ll be any less insane in cyberspace? Think of everything you put on your Facebook page. You’d be giving this woman license to pry into your life and spy on you. Don’t think employers don’t do it already. From Googling employees to running credit and background checks on them, employers find reasons to be all up in your life. You only have to type boss+Facebook+friend into your favorite search engine to find reasons why accepting this woman’s friend request is not a good idea. Why would you give the nails for your own coffin to someone who you characterize as a “crazy ass”?

So, what can you do? Door Number One: Accept the friend request anyway and invite this woman into your personal life – not recommended. Door Number Two: Decline the request, with a polite message that reads something like “Thanks, but I prefer to keep my work and private lives separate.” You take your chances with this ballsy move, but you have to weigh the possibility of incurring your boss’s wrath against safeguarding your personal life. Or, Door Number Three, just let the friend request sit there on your home page as ammunition for a possible lawsuit, should it come to that.

And from what you say about this woman, the possibility of litigation doesn’t seem so far-fetched.

Either way, Alphanistas act decisively. If you choose Doors Two or Three and still lose your job, you’ll know that, like a true Alpha female who sticks to her guns, you went out on your feet – not on your knees.

Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Examiner.com. Check her out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6658-DC-Publishing-Industry-Examiner.

Visit www.TheNicheBlogger.com


  1. EbonyLolita says:

    Option #4 you Block your boss totally. She won’t be able to find you on FaceBook, not a pic/name/nada. I’ve done that in advance to my boss and several other people. It works, but the trick is you can’t check on their pages either. *if your nosy like that~~~ shrugs* Good luck w/ that b/c if she’s seen your pic w/your name she’s got you pegged. But, I wouldn’t mention it to her and if she did mention it I’d tell her that I’m not on FaceBook.
    Good luck,
    Love EbonyLolita 😉

  2. Missingpieces says:

    Woah, this post is serious! Is it me or does this woman’s boss have some Lesbionic tendencies? I mean, her boss feeling her hair is unwarranted and disrespectful IMO. If there is one thing I can’t stand is being treated like a ” pet negro.” If you have an Afro or wear your hair in a natural style- watch out! White people, ESPECIALLY WHITE WOMEN, are raising their hands out to pat you on your damned head like you are there favorite golden retriever. UGGGHHH! Besides, if it were a man exhibiting this type of behavior- would we even be having this conversation right now? Can we say Discrimination and Sexual Harassment?
    This woman is being singled out from her boss for being a black female who is probably also more attractive than she is, which is why I think part of her reasoning for putting a friend request on FB. This “crazy ass,” is not only interested in getting in her life but also getting in between her thighs! Get me?

    IDK, my suggestion is for a sista is to watch her back, maybe, just maybe, asks the HR department about proper code of conduct between employer and employee in the office, and take it from there. That’s if there is an HR dept. – you never know these days with these smaller companies.

    Now, as far as the FB situation goes, I’ll take Door Number 3! I’d let that pic of that crazy b**** sit there in my FB friend requests and if shit really get’s out of control, just consistently build a case against crazy ass. Like writing down date and times of what she did to make you uncomfortable; including touching your damned hair!

    BTW: Would tape recording the private conversations she has with her boss be illegal? Just wondering, LOL! Greasy times call for Greasy measures. 🙂

  3. Lark says:

    As usual, here’s my two cents….

    This can be tricky. Especially when sometimes you don’t want bosses or co-workers you work with to see what times you update your status… i.e. in meetings with the boss, excessive times in a day, etc….

    I would accept my boss (if I had one) to my second Facebook account. Yep, I said second account. For my second account – I post development messages and tips (that’s my primary field) as well as helping people network i.e. suggesting friends based on mutual interest. Plus I get to great the illusion that everything I do is effortless.

  4. Lex says:

    There is also a fourth option. Accept friend request but with more strict privacy settings. My cousin is a teacher and this is what she does. That way you can choose what she does and doesn’t see (ie, pictures of you out with your friends ect..) This way you can avoid all the unpleasantness of not accepting but still regain control.

    Best of luck!

  5. Ummm, this is a tricky one but I’ll touch on it

    As Al Pacino said in the Godfather, “Keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer”!

    I would probably accept her friend request and keep things light and civil with this woman. Maybe post a small “hello” on her wall and keep it moving. If you deny her friend request, she might see that as a diss and start fucking with you on the job (woman take everything personal).

    Your job as an Alphanista is to avoid drama at all cost, and to manipulate those higher than you into believing your a good guy.

  6. Maryann says:

    @ThatGirl LOL I think LinkedIn would be more appropriate for bosses on a GENERAL scale, but not even with this situation…@Wendy, this is solid advice! LOL @Now I have to see her hideous mug on Facebook.

  7. ThatGirlDer says:

    HAHA! Not if my boss looked like that! This was very good advice by the way. I definitely would NEVER accept anyone from work.

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