ADVICE: Single Girl Doing Things Right

I’ve been single for 4 years.  In that time I got my Bachelors a certificate in nursing I moved to my own place and I finally began paying down my debt.  That makes 4 years of focusing on me me me.  Reading the self help helpbooks, attending classes (I know, I know ) and all that good stuff to make me a better girlfriend or wife.  Everday also, I’ve been going to the Starbucks downstairs from my job at the same time because that is where two of my friends met their current boyfriends and they are great men.  Why can’t that happen to me? Everybody thinks I am so together and happy since my life has changed alot in the past years.  But time has flown by and it looks like I will be spending New Years’ Eve all alone again.  I’m not saying that I want a man to come into my life and go ahead and fix it and make it all gravy because I know it’s not that easy.  I’m just saying that it would be nice to at least talk to someone on the phone and go to the movies here and there.  I’m patient enough to let things build.  I’ve been doing everything right, I’m also in shape and eat healthy (minus the Starbucks), why can’t I just attract a good man?  Why cant I just get it this part right finally?

Lost,
Sherri

 

Dear My Sherri Amor,

You echo the sentiments of humanity.  It’s not just about getting a man, it’s about finances, health, friendships, career, etc.  There is always going to be something in somebody’s life that they want to improve.  If you have money, you want just a bit more.  If you’re the Deacon at a successful church, you want a bigger ministry.  It’s human nature to want to keep expanding.  I would suggest that to start off by just being nice.  Be kinder, and nicer to yourself.  As I read your email, it sounded like your beating up this other person inside you for being messed up.   It defeats the purpose because it is that “other self” that’s going to be bringing in the same pattern and cycle.  Why?  Because those emotions are way more powerful than the good ones most of the times.  Instead, just validate your feelings and stop trying to change them.  Yes, it’s okay to be frustrated now.  Yes, it’s okay to feel anxiety about spending New Year’s Eve alone, again.  Yes, it’s okay that you want a man in your life.  Coax yourself.  Then say to yourself that you will work together with the parts that have been holding you back—that part that wants to control, the obsessive part that wants it now and it has to be right, the part that you keep beating up, etc.  If you don’t know how you come to decisions and how the various parts of yourself keep you in perpetual cycles then you should spend the rest of the year reading more self help books.

So, be easy.  But stay in the moment.  Admit to yourself that you want more than a guy who calls and takes you out occasionally.  You want the gravy, and that’s good.  But saying things like you don’t want this or that is going to keep you stuck.  Start aligning with the things you want, damn it, even if it takes you another year to meet this man.  You can’t control this mystery man.  You can only control how you feel about the situation. And already, you sound pretty upset and resentful at a man you haven’t even met yet.  No wonder why he hasn’t shown up.  You are very lucky, because you can just focus on that area, because everything else is going well.  Lots of other women are juggling getting several things right.  For now, you have to direct your energy to what you want.  You’re putting it all in the wrong place.  Starbucks may work but if you don’t do the “work” before hand, it ain’t.  It’s about manipulating energy in the right way.  Trust me, every one whose ever received something they waited for will tell you there was something that happened or they did before they received it.  They may not even know it.  I would usually say you need to create a vacuum.  But it sounds like you did it.   Since you are a subscriber, please email me directly, I have a ‘lil something for you to try that I have shared with other women and they have met their partner as soon as it was over.  You have to be ready for this, Sherri and be very specific about what you want.  When I tried it, I got engaged.  But I think you’re ready.  But you must be open and report back results to the blog. 

From an AF w/ love,
MR

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