ADVICE: Should I Tell Him About Her?

Dear Alphanista,

I am married, first and foremost.  I have a crush on this girl on Facebook.  It sounds crazy.  Me and my husband have done threesomes before, but I do not want him to know about this girl because I want her.  I thought about telling him but how can I be sure he won’t try to connect with her on his own?  I am so tempted to invite her town and put her up in a nice hotel and….  Is this wrong?  And please don’t say it’s cheating because it is not.  Hubby and I have an open relationship.  Just looking for some advice on how to deal with this chick.  She has no idea.

Desperate Wife,
Dallas, TX


Dear DW,

Well, there’s really nothing to deal with.

There is no situation.  Actually, this is all just a figment of your little imagination.  You created this “crush” on Facebook to add some dazzle to your perhaps, boring, life.  Normal?  Yes.  Crazy?  Not yet.  And you don’t have to clarify that I shouldn’t mention cheating, if you want the truth.  Having an online crush can be considered cheating if you spend all kinds of time working on hooking up with this person.  But what I see is a bored housewife trying to do something.  If you and your husband are so open, tell him.  If you can’t then, there are trust issues.  Figure that out. And please leave this “crush” alone until you can.  No need to be bring an innocent Facebook victim into this mess.  If you had told me that he knows and you both want to set it up, I’d say go in and see what she says.

But your  marriage is first priority.  Deal with those trust issues NOW.  Then have fun later.


  1. Rachel Smith says:

    This is with two adults but I would hate to know some woman is spyin on me without knowing. I think she should reach out to the girl she may not even be interested and everyone can move on. And lol @ there is no situation. True.

  2. Maryann says:

    Well hopefully DW will clarify this for all of us. It’s clear that this woman wants some kind of physical connection with this FB friend and it has nothing to do with a nice profile. And really, they are all adults, at least I hope.

  3. Michelle B. says:

    This wife seems to be getting a lot of grief. I say go for it and reach out. It can turn into a wonderful friendship and where does she say sex in the question. It just seems like somebody she admires to me.

  4. dolores says:

    I’m just falling out over this one. Whoever this lady is is acting like she’s on a secret classified mission or something! It’s not that serious. I think she should deal with her hub too because what hub is gonna try to shout out your FB crush? They both sound shady! I’m gonna purge my page today!

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