ADVICE: My Brother’s Wife Is Cheating On Him!

womanmarriageI don’t know what to do.

I am so confused.  My brother’s wife is cheating on him.  I know she is.  They are both in their late 20s and been together for like 5 years, married.  She has stepped out on him before.  But my brother is so in love, so damn gullible over this woman.  He would do anything and believe no one.  Well, when she stepped out the first time, she did it with the wrong man.  A bountified male-whore in our neighborhood.  He told everybody that he sexed so-and-so wife.  My brother’s wife!  As soon as I heard, I told him and he didn’t believe me.

Fine, I didn’t have any proof, just dude talking about it.  But if it wasn’t true why would he pick her?  Anyway, she came back home to him just days after that saying that the man was a liar, yada, yada.  My brother drank the Kool-Aid.  I am so frustrated because they have 2 beautiful kids, and my brother is the best father and husband.  So, a few weeks ago I saw her out again.  This time, I caught her red handed at the club at 4 am with another man in the bathroom!  I waited outside the stall, and she came stumbling out, and a few minutes later, he came out, too.  But I can’t say if it’s from the same stall or not.  But they were together all night at the club.

Should I tell my brother what I know?  Should I tell him his wife is cheating on him all around the neighborhood?  I don’t want to lose our bond or his respect.  My family thinks I should mine my own, but that’s my brother!

Stressed out like a bad weave,

Lourdes

___________________________________

Dear Lourdes:

This is an easy one.

You need to mind your damn business.  Your family is right, march on along and get your own titillating tales.   It’s obvious your brother is spell bound by his love for this woman.  Usually with people like this, they have to find out on their own.  They will cut off family and friends little by little who keep bringing up what they need to do.  If you value your relationship with your brother, let him live his life.  You really don’t know what these two have negotiated as a married couple.  And you shouldn’t because it’s none of your business.  Your brother is grown, and it’s possible he already knows, or like I said, he is getting his back pay for something you have no idea about.   This a married couple with children, and if they wanted to be separated or divorced they would.  If this was your everyday advice columnist, based on your little innuendos they’d say TELL AND RING THE BELL!

But this is the alpha-female perspective and it’s totally another level of decorum and process.  Next time, you think you see his wife doing something, mosey on along.

From Alphanista w/love,

MR

15 comments

  1. Pete says:

    Great post. I find the difficulties and enjoyment of meeting your siblings\’ boyfriends or girlfriends to be fascinating. It seems there\’s always growing pains whether you like them or not, but it\’s much more difficult when you don\’t. I’d love to read more on this topic.

    I recently read this blog that I thought added some insight into the issue and was enjoyable: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/06/25/family-member-dating/

    I’d love to see more like it. Thanks!

  2. Mr Experience says:

    Please ignore the ‘Mind your own business’ nonsense. It’s your brother for gods sake…your very own blood. You do yourself no favours by staying quiet. You should gather some evidence for your brother to see for himself. Act on this matter quickly…do something before it’s way too late. And remember family is only family when members do the right things to help a given situation. Ignore the inexperienced puppets on here…they have no idea about your feelings and what you feel is the right thing to do. Go for it…best of luck.

  3. Trueth says:

    As a guy i would want to know immediately, so tell yo bro, if he dont believe u fine, but the trueth is out there. Why should u suck up, and never tell him cos u scared he will allianate u. To hell with that, the sonner the better once he knows he will choose what to do, if he leaves better he can start rebuilding. Dnt say nuthn abt tha kids bcos a home with cheaters isnt a good place to raise kids afterall so their life is already ruined no worse than a divorce can do.U found out for a reason that is just hw the world is like so u best act on it otherwise your brother will have HIV/Aids and u will watch him suffer the hate yoself for not doing anything. I have been cheated on twice and i know its best to find out and cut yo losses than staying and endangering your life and any new borns to be expected. SA is crawling with diseases and its a shame Alphanista thinks this…

  4. GOLDIE says:

    i WOULDNT SAY ANYTHING TO MY BRO ANYMORE BUT I WOULD MAKE THATY GIRL’S LIFE A LIVING HELL. AND IF SHE DIDNT KNOW THAT I ALREADY TOLD HER BOO BOO, I’D MAKER HER MY SLAVE.

    … SORRY FOR THE CAPS.

  5. Athena Nike says:

    I’d be on her. Everytime she see me I’d have something to say about cheating, talk about celebrities cheating, cheating in the Bible, cheating on a test! She would have a decision to make because because there would be no peace. Had I caught her at the club, if I found her car in the parking lot, maybe take out a tire so she have to call her hubby to get her, expalin why she need a tow truck on the other side of town. She should have some respect for their relationship and she is going to give up her boo or tell my brother its over.

  6. Loving a bottom B says:

    Ummm blood is thicker then water. However you told him the first time and he question your word. Therefore he must find out on his own. Can’t turn a ho into a housewife. However you can turn a housewife into a your personal freak.

  7. hiphopdeal says:

    In this situation its kind of hard to tell since you have already tried once. Any more attempts to warn your brother then you might make him upset. When you are in love its hard to accept something so hurtful. And if she doesn’t get caught for awhile then she will begin to leave evidence. But I would leave it in God’s hands, because whats in the dark shall come to light.

  8. Anonymous says:

    This is a very hard situation. Becauase you told your brother already, I would say mind your business. You’ve done what you felt was right the first time, now it’s time to let your brother handle this situation with his wife. As stated above and it’s sad to say but you dont know what agreement that marriage holds. If your brother doesn’t have that kind of agreement then the only thing you can do now is pray for your brother and his family. This is truly sad when a person doesn’t honor their marriage. I am a person that thinks beyond cheating…because the bigger picture is possibly spreading some sexually transmitted disease or AIDS or even getting pregnant by someone outside of the marriage for that matter. But no one ever thinks of that until it happens to them or they catch something.

  9. hiphopmuse says:

    Co-sign with Deja. Catch the chick on the camera phone. Hey, I believe in harboring evidence just in case. Even if you don’t use it, you have proof. At the same time, I agree that it could backfire if she tells the brother. The more you tell someone about a person, the more it pushes them into their arms. It’s best to stay out of it and let it play out.

  10. EbonyLolita says:

    Hmmm… Im tied on this one. I don’t like the whole world knowing that Im living a lie yet I don’t know about it. You told him once, he didn’t believe so say nothing again. Let the whole town laugh afta him because it’s not like he hadn’t heard it once. Anybody else??? Mind ya business b/c a lot of ppl will stay with a cheater if they think that no one knows about it. I agree go find ya own adventure and pray it doesn’t get as far as your sister in law’s business does.
    Love,
    EbonyLolita 😉

  11. Brandi Payne says:

    If she were his girlfriend I’d say go ahead & tell but they’re married and it’s obvious she has him under her spell. Your brother won’t believe it unless he sees it with his own eyes so let it go. Karma is a b!tch who shows no mercy so rest assured that your sis-in-law will get hers eventually. In the meantime, your brother doesn’t want to hear it so keep it to yourself.

  12. Zabeth says:

    I don’t know. I agree that it’s not her business and her brother obviously doesn’t want to hear it. But if the marriage does fail, I wouldn’t want my sibling coming back to me saying “You knew the whole time and said nothing to me?” That can fracture relationships just the same. But at the same token she has done her part- she told him about the male whore. He’s been warned the balls in his court now- and big sis should let it go.

  13. Deja says:

    Bwaaah @ get your own titillating tales

    But I would tell, but not directly, I’d take some pics with my camera phone.

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