I’ve been tryin’ to figure this out for the longest!
I am single, 27, around my married friends some older some younger. One by one they all started slipping away as soon as they got married. Some of us went to school together and we were tight before. Okay, I do understand that when you are married you have more things to do and your family becomes the priority. But the only times I hear from these chicks now is through the mail or email with photos of their babies and what not. When I reply or send a gift or acknowledgement they never reply.
So, I stopped. But it bugged me. It hurt me. So, I have two married friends that live near me, and everytime I ask them about hooking me up with somebody single they know (and they know!) it’s always, “You are okay by yourself. You can’t rush things. You have to be patient.” Excuse my language. But I’m like BITCH, I want someone like you have. They laugh.
I’m not a scrub, I am beautiful, have won several awards, have a nice apartment decent car, great job tech consultant job, and men come at me all the time. I just am tired of dating random strangers. Okay, so when we’re on the phone and I’m talking about what kind of man I want they discourage me that I am thinking crazy and I need to learn to accept my life as a single person until the right man comes. Can you believe this? I am asking for help. These are supposed to be my friends. I can’t wait to get married to show them how to treat others. It’s like they don’t want me to get married. Are they jealous? Is that possible? They have like a haughty attitude, sort of elitist and I can’t stand it!
This is really hurting you, and you have every right to be pissed at them.
You know this is one of the most unspoken issues among women. Granted there are married women who want to help or hook friends up, but there are many more who don’t. Many married women and, some have told me this themselves, believe that they are better than single people. In most people’s mundane lives, being married is the pinnacle of their existence. It makes them “unique”. If you take that away, they are nothing again.
You, Jade, may be like that woman that they want to be, wanted to be or their husband would date. It does sound like you have a lot going on for you, so you have many things to be proud of and speak about. They are probably wondering why do you need any more blessings. Look, I’m being raw here. These are day to day feelings most people don’t talk about. They don’t want someone to have more than they do. It boils down to a feeling of lack. Like there isn’t enough happiness to go around. If I hook her up, and she gets happier than me, then what does that say about me? What do I do? No one wants to explain this.
Now, you know I gotta bring it back. Years ago, women used to look out for women when it came to men. Suggesting this guy that guy. Having little parties. Hooking up their single girls, etc. It was in order. They believed there were lots of men, everybody deserved one.
But as soon as talks of “shortages” and “all the good ones are taken” comes up, everybody grabs on to theirs. If you get married, then they have someone else to compete with. You’ll take them out of their comfort zone of “being better than”. These are not true friends. True friends who are happy, want to spread it around to everyone, even strangers.
This is not to say that married women are obligated to do anything. They don’t have to hook their friends up. But as in most situations that a friend would need help—with a job, party planning, babysitting, it’s expected that they would help here.
Finally, stop asking these type of married friends to hook you up. Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you single and wanting what they have. Live your life, find alternative (non random methods) to bring that man in your life because you will. Let’s see how many friends you’ll have then?
From Alphanista w/love