I really need some honest advice!
I just started talking to a pro athlete online, we have some mutual friends in common. He plays in another state, but lives here in the off season. I told him to send me his number today because I wanted to take the chat offline/into real life. But I have no idea how to play it when I do actually talk to him. He’s super rich and I usually am the “super independent, I don’t need you” kinda girl. But that attitude has kept me single & broke for the past 5 years! I need to do something different to keep his attention especially since he would have a lot of other girls vying for his attention.
I am interested in dating him and I don’t want to mess this up so my question is how should I act with him If I want him to want a relationship with me? Should I come off as fun? One of the guys? Serious & responsible? Nonchalant & independent? Sexy & wild? Should I be stroking his ego or acting like I’m not impressed by his money? Should I call him or wait for him to call me?
And I definetly don’t want to be just a jumpoff when he’s in town…so how long should I wait to sleep with him and how do I keep his attention in the meantime?
My views on this are different from many.
Let’s see what you should NOT do: Do not ask him out, do not show up by “accident” at a mutual event, and don’t be somebody you are not. You are looking for a husband, or so it seems. The stakes are very high here. You can have it or lose it all. You have to be fine with that. Here’s what I mean: If you’re the jump off, you just have sex, you get some change, you’re available when he is, your crown to glory is a baby. Jump offs don’t expect much, and are treated as such. Then you have the ones who want to be like you: in a serious relationship. I can’t give you the formula, as I like to believe that every man has his intricacies and complications. But here’s a few things: The first few dates should be initiated by him. Make it easy, tho. Don’t follow any dumb dating rules about Wednesday for weekend dates. If he calls and you are available go for it.
He may be thinking you are into him already. At the date, refine yourself some. Don’t answer everything, ask questions. Don’t be impressed by taste, and don’t try to impress him with your wine knowledge or unique traits. Just chill out. See the ying and yang here? There’s some give, there’s some pull. It gives him enough space to separate you from the herd, and it keeps you a bit detached. Don’t have sex. Just don’t. I don’t care if you wait till the second or third or 100th time you see him, just never do it asap. It shows your insecurity. Don’t come off as “fun” or “sexy” or “nonchalant” unless that is who you are. If not, then men pick up on that fakeness. Nothing wrong with stroking his ego, and making him feel good around you. Times together should be more verbal, than anything.
Be available, but unavailable. Meaning don’t call him, let him call you, and when he does, drop everything. Definitely limit texts. I think, however, you need to tell him asap on 1st date that you want a husband, and it is by no means an offer of marriage, just letting him know you are not just dating anyone, but getting to know men on a more intimate, serious level. Be confident in your decision. If you are afraid of that, then you may not be ready. A woman who is ready to bite , will play. He’ll bite back if he’s interested in getting to know you like that, either immediately or down the line.
It will put you in a different place, provided you back up your desire with consistent action. But honestly, I really can’t help here like I could, until he becomes your man. Then, you need more aggressive measures to make marriage the only thing he can think about. I always say, position yourself as a buy, not a lease. No matter what, I don’t care how many baby mamas any man has, nobody gets as much as the wife. She will always win. Go for the gold, not shit nuggets.
From Alphanista w/love,
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