ADVICE: I Want To Be A Star, But…

singThis is not a relationship question!

My relationship is really going great! I am 35, just got engaged, working at a really good job in legal, and my man is doing well, too. We are good! However, I’ve always had wanted to become a singer, a true talent for my generation.

I write songs, I perform in local shows, and even some clubs. I also want to do some acting, mostly commercials. Shame I got this idea a little too late, most people start in their teens! But I’d love to go on tour with Beyonce one day, or be in one of those car commercials. I hope I don’t sound silly, I just am so bored with my job, when my creative side is bursting to get out and live! I also love my man. We have an upcoming wedding, and I want kids–ASAP. How do I handle all of this happening all at once. My career aspirations, and my need to be a wife and mother? How do I choose!

Beyonce Part II,
Dana, Queens, NY


Dear Dana:

I’m NOT going to give you the cookie cutter answer–follow your dreams.

Obviously, you don’t even really know what dreams you want. Let’s look at the facts. Your baby making clock is ticking now. FACT! Doesn’t matter how much you hate it. Science still hasn’t come up with a way to safely extend our baby making years into forever land. With that being said, if you are really ready to be with your man, get that in order. Build your foundation. I see too many women who regret missing out on that. When they finally make a decision, it’s too late for ANYTHING. They are 10 years older, less desirable and less confident.  So, Dana, I think you need to focus. Do not listen to folks telling you that a baby and marriage will hold you back. You are NOT a single mother who would more likely have to sacrifice. You’ll have your husband who should be on this journey with you.

Once you have your foundation, keep your singing going, but commercials may be more realistic and economical.   It only takes a day or two to shoot, then you are done, with a nice check at the end.  In the meantime, submit your stuff to and apply for auditions while at work.  Maybe it’s not singing or acting, you just may need a new job, a breath of new energy. You can start your own singing coaching business from home, where you can help others and become influential in the industry. But I caution you about being so flaky about all this. Do you want to sing? Or act? Choose a route and explore that. Make your man apart of it all.  So, he can feel just as invested and not cut off.   Build your future TOGETHER. With a foundation, everything falls into place.

From Alphanista with love,


  1. Brandi Ford says:

    You only live once! If you have a dream in your heart (and the talent & drive to back it up) then you should pursue it. Otherwise you’ll end up regretting never going for it, and what’s worse is that you may resent him for holding you back. However, unless you’re a minor no one can actually hold you back & stop you from pursuing your goals except you so in the end if you don’t go for it you can only blame yourself.

    As a wife, mother of two and an aspiring actress I understand that having a career in the entertainment industry means striving for a work-family balance. It isn’t always easy and there are definitely sacrifices you have to make along the way but if this something you absolutely, positively have to do, then those sacrifices will be well worth it!

  2. Brian says:

    Good question – and great advice.

    Life is about choices and you have to choose. You want to be creative but you work in a legal field. Is there anything there that will allow you to express your creative side? Maybe a lateral move into marketing or communications will open you up to excersice your creative juices without rocking the boat too much.

    Now our assumption is that you are a good singer 🙂 so at these clubs and other events you’ve been siging at – what has been the response? There is a market for the (ahem) older singer. But you need to be a singer, not an entertainer – the difference is – Janet is an entertainer, Chaka is a singer, Beyonce is both.

    If you can sing and are marketable (pretty or unique looking) “they” will find you. You just have to put yourself out there a bit. Sing at some weddings (in the band, not at the ceremony). Hone your talent and your skill and get out there and show it off. For free if you have to.

    Follow MRs advice about your foundation. You’ll need it. Even more if you blow up.

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