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ADVICE: How To Get A Man To Love Me

Dear Alphanista,

I just read your article “28 ways to please him without opening your mouth.” I loved it and I want to ask for more advice along these lines as I need to be taught how to seduce and get a man to love me.

I am in love with a man but he does not know that yet. I feel he is attracted to me but he has not said anything. In fact his behaviour to me varies. He can be very sweet then he suddenly becomes cold, distant and sometimes downright mean. We are both in our mid-late forties but are very attractive with good bodies.

We are both married with children (10 and under) but separated and he has filed for divorce from his wife. All this happened after we met. I left my husband because I had a struggling marriage and when I discovered the intense feelings I had for this other man, I knew that my marriage was over as I have never felt anything close with another man, even the one I married for 16 years.

This new man dates several beautiful women as he is rich and handsome but I believe he feels something for me. Can you please teach me how to seduce him and make him want me so much that he will ask me out? Please give me tips on how to get the man I want.

Sincerely,

Lost

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Dear Lost,

Thank you for your letter and I am pleased that you enjoyed reading my “28 Ways to Please Him without Opening Your Mouth.” Writing and researching that has continued to be a lot of fun for both my husband and I.

My heart goes out to you. Unrequited love can be a hell of a thing for us women. When we love we’re usually all in, unable to see the danger signs that caution us to turn away. As much as we may try to fight it, we are very emotional creatures. For that reason alone we must be vigilant and not give our hearts, minds, or bodies to anyone who will not handle them with care.

I hate to disappoint you but there is no way to make anyone love you. If there were whomever had the answer would be a very wealthy person. If you have to seduce a man to get him to ask you out on a simple date you’re making a huge mistake under any circumstances. Seducing him will only entice him to have sex with you, but not love you. Trying to seduce a man into loving you will leave you with an empty bed and a broken, heavy heart.

To borrow a quote from Oprah, “If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t, nothing can make him stay.” If this man can “sometimes be downright mean to you” and has not expressed that he is attracted to you or wants to be with you, I’m willing to bet my first born that he does not. Most men are deliberate and rational. When they decide they want to be with a woman she knows it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Do yourself and your small children a huge favor. Don’t consider ending your marriage for a man whose feeling for you can best be described as ambivalent. If you’re unhappy in your marriage for other reasons, and you and your husband have seriously tried to work things out to no avail, then by all means consider calling it quits. But do it for you not because you think you’re going to get someone else.

The only way to attract a man that wants you and that you want is to be yourself and keep getting better. Instead of wasting time on this man take all of that energy and put it into your children, yourself, your career, and your own personal interest. If you’re unsure of how to do that – good. Figuring it out will keep you busy and leave less time for you to waste on Mr. Ambivalent. Seriously, don’t set yourself up for 16 more years of unhappiness chasing any emotionally unavailable man. You want a man who loves, who’s willing to express it, and makes you feel it without question.

Please send anonymous advice questions to advice@alphanista.com

3 COMMENTS

  • Harleyq2

    Lost,
    I could not agree more with the advice about if this man truly wants you, then he would have made his intentions clear (afterall, he is not shy if he dates other women). I am concerned by your statement that you allow this person to treat you in a disrespectful and very demeaning manner by him being mean, distant and cold. Allowing someone to treat you like this does a lot of damage to your self esteem. This may sound like a cliche but when you figure out yourself (likes, dislikes, fears, strength, boundaries etc) then you will be able to see clearly what you want and is willing to accept from a partner. I would strongly encourage you to find a counselor to help you through this period in your life.

  • Mishe

    This is great advice take it from a married woman!

    No wonder why he may be not as attracted to you.

  • Maryann

    Lost, really needs a clue. No one will love you more than you love yourself.

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