Dear Alphanista,

I am a star on the rise with everything going for me but the graduate degree which will open doors to the career of my dreams.

I never date because I can’t seem to meet a man who matches my shine. Until him… He is intelligent, accomplished, degreed, handsome and there’s a definite attraction between us. I’ve caught him staring at me plenty of times and we share nervous glances when we run into each other. The down side: He’s my professor. I want to know him on a personal level because when we’re having heated debates in class everyone says it’s as though we are in our own little world, far above the level of most of my classmates. I don’t have a crush. I am simply curious about him. I think together we’d do some big things and shake up our profession. I have 2 years left of graduate school before we are officially colleagues but I want to get the ball rolling now. Why wait?

What can I do? Should I even push the issue? He’s single, very much available and only 4 years older than me. We have discussed what we like in relationships and seem to match on ideals. I’m not sure if I should say anything bluntly or just wait the 2 years out and then invite him for coffee. What would an Alphanista do in this situation?

Hot For Professor
Dear Hot:

Why wait?  Because he can be fired.

As a former professor at colleges from NYC to Miami, I can tell you that if it is found out he is creeping with a student, there are grounds to fire him if someone finds out.  You’ll be fine.  But what’s the point if he’s no longer around to suit your fancy?  Despite this rule, professors and students have been getting it on.   It’s just a thin line.  People think because it’s grown folks involved and consensual sex that the rules don’t apply unless the student is 10, and the teacher is 30.

If you must get to know him:  Keep professor close by, but comfortably at a distance.  You may have to initiate advances and get togethers, and such (but I caution against being alone).  Try to understand because he can lose his job.  So don’t expect him to “chase” you.  I am understand “curious” but it often leads to curious sex, curious kisses, and curious touches.  Do you think he can keep a secret?  Are other students watching you?  All it takes is one bitter student to start rumors that he is showing you preferential treatment.

Keep it in classroom, no coffee.  It’s probably an infatuation or “curiosity” that will pass.  If you are an alpha female, this is simply a conquest for you.  You want to see what will happen if…..It is not worth the drama.  School is VERY expensive to screw it up based on emotions and what you FEEL like doing.  Now, if he is REALLY feeling you or just as curious, he will make a choice to leave his job and work at another school.  That will pose no issue for the two of you.
For now, I say leave it alone.  And I doubt he is VERY available.  Most men are not, though they appear to be.


  1. Gladys says:

    Hi Hot For Professors
    I agree with Maryanne and Miss Andi K. don’t take it to the next level. The both of you are human and humans always get attracted to each other, but we are all bound by the spoken or unspoken rules of society.

    Your professor could be sighted for professional misconduct or unethical behavior since you would be consenting adults.

  2. Miss Andi K. says:

    As a fellow grad student, I would also encourage you to ask yourself, what will you do if you do/did pursue this and it doesn’t work out? You’ll still have 2 years left to see him, and that could get akward in the future if he should be in a decision-making position about your degree. You could also be labeled within your respective subset of academia; which is NOT a good look amongst the intellectual set. Its already hard enough to be attractive and intelligent, as most already do not take you seriously.

    My father was my mother’s professor, and he ended up getting fired. They were married for 6 years, and eventually had me. 26 years later, they are divorced and both remarried. She will openly tell you it was infatuation and curiousity to see if she could “pull” an older man (like Maryann said, she’s an Alpha, so hey?). I would tell you to go out and meet an older man from somewhere else if this is what you are into. But when it comes to Dr. X, keep it moving. Good luck in school! 🙂

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