Weekend Rewind: ADVICE: Getting Him Back By The “Roots”


This is one of the most popular advice questions.  Enjoy!


Dear Alphanista,

Before I go into this let me just say I am a Christian woman, MBA educated, come from a two parent home, and am gainfully employed.

I am active at church and I am also open to other ways of thinking and religion.   Okay now that is out of the way, I have had an on again off again relationship with my ex.  I prayed on this and really believe the man is my soulmate he just doesn’t know it yet.  Know what I mean?  A woman usually has a sense of those things.  All around the world I’ve traveled and I am sophisticated enough to know there are different ways of crossing the street.   I have seen women, some in my own family use roots or candlework to achieve certain things.  I’m from Barbados and I know how these things work.  I don’t know all the details nor do I wish to share them here but I am tempted to try it and want to do it right.  I want this man back.  Can you reccommend anything?  How can I make him know that we are meant to be without telling him?  I’m willing to try anything at this point!



(Yonkers, NY)


Dear Yasmin,

Well, well, well, I was waiting for one of these.

I will not judge you whatsoever.  As you know that isn’t something you can share with alot of people for fear of being seen as, oh, a bit strange.   Most people have never heard of candlework or roots and are scared of these things.   Once you educate yourself in this area, you’ll be better situated to make your own decision.

I, too, have known people who have “done” things.   They explain it as certain things carry certain energies that help you achieve certain things.  The things don’t help you “get” what you want, it is always from God or the higher power you believe in.   Most people who practice these methods rely on God, but take it to another level from just a Sunday prayer.  A large number of celebrities and wealthy people have psychics and “workers” who use certain methods.   The stakes are high in these areas and they need 110% assurance.  I’m sure you understand that  all power comes from only one Source.   Most “workers” who use amulets, candles,herbs, charms, figurines, etc are praying to their God and these objects represent their intention.  It makes it more real.

Thus, they manifest something which can only be explained as the energy they put into their intention.  This can be accomplished without these things but for many it can be challenging.  According to experts in this area, sometimes the objects and methods help one to keep focused on the intention.  They believe more in it, thus it manifests their desire.  I hope you see where I’m going.

I caution you against using any kind of method to get somebody back.  Spiritual cleansings, novenas, and the like, in any form can help remove negative blocks and walls around our lives.   Most of these blocks are put there by our own thinking which is an incredible force and needs an incredible force to break down.  Be it God or however one describes or interprets the Source of their beliefs. Methods like these for protection and road openings are the best way to achieve clarity and answers.

If you use more aggressive methods to “get” a particular thing, it will come back to you in some way.  You may have to exchange something.   What you get by force, you have to keep by force.  Let him find his way back on his own accord.   Check out the Alphanista ebook-9 Tuesdays for a start.   It’s perfect for your situation because it allows you to let go and let be.

And be careful what you ask for, you just may get it 😉

From Alphanista w/Love,


Send brief advice questions to maryann@alphanista.com.   Not all questions can be answered.

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  1. smh says:

    “he just doesn’t know it yet”

    That is a flag. He is not ready – now is not the time. He may be ‘the one’ – but not at this point in time. Yasmin is fearful and fear is not rational and inhibits clear thinking. Fear is making you desperate and that is scaring him off in addition to whatever issues he has that he does not at this time ‘know’ he is the one. It is better to give it time and take time to get to a place of peace and contentedness, centered and balance within yourself while giving him time to see the light. He might also see you as a calm compelling person that he wants to get to know better long term.

    This is not to say wait forever. Far from it. It is to say take time to get centered and balanced and be at peace within yourself. Then when you are in that place look at the situation and ask what next what works for you.

    At that point you can either decide if he is worth the wait or look at other options that have evolved during the time you took for yourself to heal the fear.

    You deserve to have someone who is ready and to be ready and start your life with a partner from a place of peace.

    Best wishes.

  2. EbonyLolita says:

    You can’t be serious can you??? I laugh b/c you seek the solace of Santaria/Voodoo/Condumble/Roots out of desperation. You are not thinking w/ your right mind and if you are ANY type of Christian you already know that you are WRONG 🙁 What you need to do is take less focus on trying to KEEP this man and wonder what’s wrong w/you that you would resort to such measures. Who you are should be enough for your “soulmate.” To resort to charms,amulets,bathes and GOD FORBID sacrifices is the Devil whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Honey, Get your Self Esteem up and realize that just b/c he’s not the “soulmate” for you doesn’t mean that you don’t have a “soulmate” out there. You might have passed him by wasting time w/this Guy. I pray you find the strength to steer clear of the “Roots” Good luck

    Love, EbonyLolita 😉

  3. Athena Nike says:

    I never noticed til my mom pointed it out how my grandma (her ma-in-law) from the deep south didn’t eat other women’s cooking, especially if it was just brought to her just because. My ma recounts how a cake was brought over from some occassion and my mother was slicing into it, and grandma asked “you’re going to eat that?” I thought maybe she knew the woman house wasn’t clean or picked her nose, but my mother says grandma inferred she didn’t trust them and wouldn’t let her have any cake. Over the years, i could recall my grandmother asking people to stop and get her some KFC when we were on our way to a picnic or other social functions, and it seemed like she would not eat my mothers cooking either when we were younger and she visited, I can recall her “not being hungry” and toting her own 6 pack of pepsi to drink. She has since moved on from that, maybe thinking all her enemies are dead or she just old enough now it don’t matter.
    I do believe people trying to “fix” things, that is why you have to treat everybody right and stay prayed up. I agree with talentedren & deardj.

  4. deardj says:

    To a God-believing woman “a man who findeth a wife findeth a good thing”. Let him find you, if he wants you. If he does not want you; definitely don’t go wanting him. You’re asking for trouble. Furthermore, practicing witchcraft and voodoo is not the way to “get” anything. Just remember “the seeds we sow comes back to us”. If it is that easy to get a man through incantation can another woman not gain that same man through the same means? Why not just let go, and let God. i.e. Let God do the doing, getting, and giving. He makes no mistakes. When He does it, it is done right.

  5. Talentedren says:

    First of all, perfect love casts out all fear. So if you are afraid of losing him, then it isn\’t really love. Fear and love cannot exist in the same space.

    I agree with many of the other posters, you may get him, but you also may get more than you bargained for like a loveless, long-term relationship or the biggest disaster of your life because your intentions weren\’t right.

    If he is your soulmate he knows it. You don\’t have to tell him.

    Don\’t force something. Things are much more enjoyable when they flow naturally. Instead of working a \”root\” to get him, ask for perfect alignment and be amazed by the providential synchronicities you see in your life each day.

    As one of my teachers always says. It doesn\’t have to be hard. Your desires should come with immediacy and ease.

  6. Estilo says:

    One more thing lolol….if you want to use some kind of physical manifestation or something tangible to express yourself spiritually, then let it focus on YOU, and your strength, enlightenment and opening your mind and heart….these will surely attract the right person more so than forcing them thru other means. It all starts with you.

  7. Estilo says:

    i have to agree with Angela…a true soulmate does not have to be coerced in any way. and i think if she honestly believed he was meant for her, she wouldn’t be insecure enough to be contemplating this.

    my answer is NO DON”T DO IT!! first of all, “roots,” “santeria,” “obeah” or whatever they call it in your neck of the woods is NOT supposed to be used to manipulate people or situations. Do u really want that kind of karma…would you want someone to do that to YOU? would you want to make decisions that were not of your own free will? furthermore, if this actually “worked” , would you want to know the only reason he is with you is b/c you worked some ish on him? and god forbid he or anyone in his family ever found out that you even tried this….he might have a relative or someone around him who you don’t even know that will detect it and you are going to have serious problems.

    Last but not least, all of these types of things are not the same. Santeria for instance is a normal religion and in no way should you ever use something that is part of your spiritual life in a negative way. And trying to force a situation b/c you’re insecure that it won’t happen on it’s own is NEGATIVE. It’s like a Christian going to church and saying 10 hail mary’s wishing for bad on someone. If he’s going to be with you, let it be organic.

  8. Shonuff says:


    Sweetie, this is straight up witchcraft that you are considering. You are a woman of God and witchcraft is a definite NO NO. Witchcraft of any kind unleashes all types of evil and wickedness in your world so I suggest you don’t do it. You might get the man but you will also get more than you bargained for if you go this route. You may believe that this man is your soul mate and he just doesn’t know it yet, however, no man that doesn’t realize this needs that much of your energy. I have a soul mate too that doesn’t realize his place yet either, but I surely keeps it movin and if he figures it out he does if not then it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe next lifetime. All things happen in God’s time, anything outside of that is a NO NO!

  9. babydoll says:

    This was done on ME. He was West Indian and my most serious relationship, he was into Yoruba aka Voodoo. He said it was another form of Catholishm. I took his word for it ( I was VERY young), then he opended up to how he went to his “spirtual adviser” about me before we EVEN met (we went to the same college, he had his eye on me a year and a half, before we even spoke). I went to Barnes & Nobles and read up on all I could. We were having pretty serious relationship problems, but I couldn’t leave him and I told him that “I am going to stay with you, but I don’t love you. I just can’t leave.” Now if you knew me you would know that is so against my character. My father who stays out of my business, intervened and was like what do I have to do for you to leave him, and I just told him I couldn’t leave. I physically felt stuck or “rooted” and just couldn’t move. And he was happy just to keep me. He had been doing those little “prayers” even after I told him I don’t love him anymore. That is NOTHING to play with. It got me back into my Christianity though, because this was obviously bigger than me, got so deep into my bible and when I got to the middle of the bible is when I had the strength to finally leave him. The relationship got so abusive(mentally,emotionally and a few times physically) that I felt like my life was truly in danger.

    All of this backfired on him, because I left him and moved out of state without him knowing and changed all numbers, email addresses. You can’t make someone love you. What God has for you is for you, but once you start to interfere with His plans is when things can turn into a negative. This to me is COMPLETLEY different than positive affirmations which I believe. This stuff here though is a dangerous dangerous game.

  10. Maybe I’m the odd-ball, but I think she SHOULD use alternative spiritual methods to usher positive energy her way. I been a practicing eclectic Pagan for almost 10 years, mixing nature based rituals with prayer and herbs,and it works WONDERS FOR me.

    The secret in ritual practicing is making sure that you ask the spirit world to guide your soul mate towards you. That way, the divine will can take over instead of you putting spells on folks.

    She should look up the ancient practice of smudging to rid negative energy, that way more positive men can flow her way!

  11. empress20 says:

    Sweetheart, while I dont want to pass judgement on you, I am going to be straight up with you and say that NO MAN is worth your soul spending eternal dalmnation in HELL FIRE so please dont do it. You might as well trick him into impregnating you and then he is really stuck with you (hope he’s a ball player), but I am sure a christian, MBA having, two parent home woman like yourself would not want to be tagged as such. I am happy that you took the time to tell us how much of a Christian you are which means you should be ‘God Fearing’ but what you want to do is not of God; not by a long shot. I can guarantee you that God does not approve of this. You asked the question, “How can you make him know that you were meant to be without telling him?” Simply put, you cant. Its either you tell him and see how he reacts or you dont tell him and let it go. Voodoo (lets call it what it is) only ensures that this man stays with you, it does not really mean that he is going to love you the way you want him to. Like Maryanne said ‘what you get by force, you have to keep by force’ , What if after you get him you notice that this is not what you wanted? Honey, If this man is your “soulmate” he will be yours if not then there is somebody way better out there for you, dont settle, please.

  12. Wow this is dangerous territory. I will say that you can not serve two masters. So either you believe that God give you the answer that is best for you or you believe in voodoo and the likes.

    If you have to go through so much trouble for this man, then he is not your soul mate. Sorry, it maybe painful to accept, but accept it now and move on before you do something you will regret.

  13. James says:

    Now these are the types of female convos I love to walk in on! I swear if men really knew what ya’ll be thinking they wouldn’t F around so much. I truly believe that there are brothers out there who have been “put on” or “hexed” by some female. Thats why when I leave a woman I leave quietly and try to keep things cordial. I don’t want no bad blood or nobody holding hate thoughts of me. Life is a mystery. Word.

  14. Maryann says:

    @Joane, thanks for sharing that, he obviously didn’t feel right about it from the go, inside there is usually a thermometer that tells us we are being coerced, this woman got her wish and no one got their peace

    Yasmin I hope you are reading this

  15. Joane Francisque says:

    I feel that if a person even has to go this route to acquire a “thing” or a “person”, than it’s not something worth obtaining…I’m not judging…to each is own but I believe in just going with a natural flow. FYI—on a more personal level: I come from a Haitian background…shall I continue? I know someone who bought an expensive plane ticket to Haiti and spent thousands of dollars to get a boyfriend back who had cheated on and left her for another woman. Needless to say, the “abra cadabra” part worked! She got her man back and they moved in together, eventually got married had 2 children and purchased a home together. Sounds like a happily ever after type of situation huh? Well, the happiness did not last very long. Eventually he became abusive, both verbally and physically; he hated being around her and the children and he ultimately abandoned her and the children. So this isn’t something to be taken lightly…this woman “paid” for love and the whole thing backfired and her husband ended up despising her instead…Becareful what you wish for is and understatement!

  16. Goldie says:

    I do use affirmations to stay positive, but I find it funny to manipulate the ways of destiny by putting a spell on him. Instead of Affirming that her and Mr. X will get back together why doesnt she Affirm that all new people in her life are meant to be there and she accepts real everlasting love with open arms?

  17. Angela says:

    Dear Yasmin,

    If “roots” are your only option, then with all due respect he probably is Not your “soul mate”. You say you believe in God, you may want to leave the conclusion up to Him…

  18. Shay says:

    Interesting this is NO different than what folks use cause Law of Attraction. They USE Vision Boards, affirmations (chanting), visioning (mind control) that is all the same wrapped up and marketing as LOA. Back in the days it was called something else. Tis all the same.

    For Yasmin stay in your lane!

  19. TheBoss says:

    Since I moved from the south I hadnt seen these types of questions! I believe in some things too there are ways of the world that are unexplained. Maryann love your advice as always you were kinda tight with this one, what you holding back!? LOL

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