ADVICE: Am I Doing “Too Much” For My Man?

Dear Alphanista,

Ok, I hope you can help me see the light!

I have been so down and confused over this that it is inteferring with me and my husband.  Here’s the situation: I’m an old-fashioned Southern girl.  I like taking care of my man.  I cook meals everyday, so he has nice food to eat when he comes home.  I wash, clean, etc.  I also have some me time because I work from home.  This is not burdensome at all.  I also listen to him and let him pick out my outfits, and get his okay before I go out with friends.   I tell him what I do everyday and where I go.

I recently shared this with my best friend and she was like I am oppressed.  She said that women of today don’t do any of that and my man is going to start seeing me as a maid, and that is NOT sexy.  That men want sexy women.  Well, I also have sex with him whenever, however.  Sometimes, when he comes home I am buck naked cooking, cleaning, etc.

I told that to her, too, and she totally called me a doormat and subservient.  Why?  Am I doing too much?  My man appreciates it and he hasn’t asked me to stop but now I’m feeling insecure.

Desperate in New Orleans,



Dear Lucinda:

You should stop if you feel insecure.  The whole power of any of that is to be confident while doing it.  To stand affirmed.  Even if he didn’t appreciate it at least you know you did no wrong.

Now, when you start sharing this with women, especially American women, not all will understand.  You didn’t mention if your friend was single or not.  That may make a difference.  If she isn’t, how she treats her own husband should be a point of reference.  Learn to keep some secrets, and what you do at home is a start.

You sounded fine when you were writing about it in the beginning.  It seems like all changed when you let another woman’s words seep in.  Don’t let any other woman in your marriage or relationship.  Scratch that.  Marriage.  It can get crowded..

Continue doing what you do.  It works for you.  Cooking and cleaning in the buck?  Takes a lot of nerve.  I’m sure your husband looks forward to coming home.


Yours Truly,


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