Weekend Rewind: How To “Vet” A Man

By Guest Blogger, Zabeth

Vet:  verb; to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity, etc.

Can you tell I like making sure things are defined?

Vetting isn’t as hard as some would like to believe; of course this is easier said than done.  The most important part is knowing what you want. I’m assuming that you have assessed the preliminaries (i.e. you find him attractive, you get along, he’s not on drugs, etc.) and you want a committed relationship.

One of the easiest most efficient ways to vet a man is to NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM! A smart girl can keep a man interested without getting naked. If a man is genuinely interested he’ll wait for sex. If he just wants to get into your pants, he’ll move along quickly.

Waiting also gives you a chance to get to know him and decide if he’s really someone you want to give your body to. What happens to a lot of women (Alphas included) when they have sex too early in a relationship is that they become attached to the man and put blinders on to potential problems. In her book Why Men Love Bitches, Sherry Argov points out that before there is any intimacy in a relationship, the woman is rational and the man is irrational. But once sex becomes involved the script gets flipped.

I wouldn’t say you have to wait until marriage for sex, but I would advise waiting until the relationship is committed. That usually takes more than a few dates- and I mean dates, not “meet ups” and “hangin’ out.”

Steve Harvey analogizes that it takes your employer 90 days to evaluate you and determine if you’re worthy of “full benefits.” Maybe that should be applied to relationships.

Next, pay attention to what he says but focus on what he does. Men are usually more honest on first dates and will tell you what’s up; they don’t want any misunderstandings or drama later on. If you agree to keep seeing him that means you’re accepting him and the situation. Also make sure that his actions match up with his words.

Finally ask the hard questions and know what you want out of the situation. If you both aren’t looking for anything serious- fine, but if you want a relationship and he doesn’t- move on. Remember if you agree to keep seeing him that means you’re accepting the implicit contract. That’s why I think it’s important to ask the hard questions up front:

Are you interested in being in a committed relationship?

Do you believe in marriage and family?

If he dodges or can’t give you a straight answer, that is your answer. Of course, don’t ask in way that makes him feel like he’s in a police interrogation, also don’t ask within the first 10 minutes of your first date, but do ask. Don’t wait one or two months down the road when you’ve become emotionally invested.

To find out more about this guest blogger, please go to http://zabethblog.blogspot.com/.

Ladies’ Night? or Ladies’ Night!

By Guestblogger Amyrae

They are there for us when we’re down, when we want to celebrate, or when we just need to vent…our sisters always have our backs.

Girlfriends share a special bond, which can do wonders for the soul.  In my mind ladies night is something special, something to be cherished, and should happen often.  What better way is there to share the love, the admiration, and the strength that links us to our sisters?  The problem I sometimes see when a woman enters into a relationship, her friends are forsaken as she sacrifices her time with her sisters for a night with her man.  Sure once in awhile it’s bound to happen, but if it’s become routine and your girls are reaching out less and less often, it’s probably time to check yourself.

Depriving yourself of that time reconnecting with your sisters will eventually leave you feeling empty…and all the time you spend with your man will not fill that void.  If you only call them up when your man is out of town, or when you are in a fight, then they are going to feel neglected. That’s not what ladies night should be about.  You can’t do this to your girls and expect them to always be there….if they are genuine friends they probably will be, but it will eventually become draining and exhausting for them to be around you if you are constantly taking from them without giving yourself.  It’s important to make sure that you are giving back to your ladies as much, if not more than you ask of them.  That’s just what a friend does.

Here are a few tips for keeping it real with your sisters…even when you are in a relationship.

-Host a dinner party:  Invite all of your close girlfriends over for an intimate dinner party and feed the soul with some good ole home cooking

-Ladies weekend getaway:  Someplace warm and exotic is always great, but if this isn’t in your budget, hop in the car and take a road trip to someplace you’ve never been, discover what quality time with your sisters is all about

-Pull out your dancing shoes:  Leave men out of the picture, shake that thang and live it up with your girls

-Picnic in the Park:  Lounge for the day, bring a bottle of wine, a Frisbee, or just enjoy leisure time with your ladies

Amyrae is in Brooklyn, NY and an aspiring writer, humanitarian, world traveler, and philanthropist living and loving life one day at a time, checking things off of her ever expanding TO DO list.

Good Life: Cruisin’

An alpha female loves the “good life”…

By Guest Blogger Mila

I’ve got VACATION on the mind.

I love traveling, and if I won the lottery today, I’d be gone tomorrow. Honestly, I am so ready to peace out of my job and peace out of the freezing cold winter. I’d like to trade all of it for some sun, some sand, and some rum. So, in two weeks I’m going on a cruise to Key West and Mexico. Of all the types of vacations, a cruise is pretty easy because you just get on the boat, and all the entertainment is planned for you. You can pick fun excursions to do (I’m going parasailing!) and enjoy the company of other vacationers.

Also, cruises are pretty inexpensive right now. You can snag a great deal to a fantastic destination. If you have no problem waiting, check out last minute deals to find a bargain. I have to tell my job at least a month before I’m going on vacation, but you can still find a great deal if you need to plan ahead. For those with more time on their hands, you can book a long cruise that travels to multiple destinations. For those who want to try something different than sunny beaches, a cruise to Alaska might be a good option.

My supervisor also loves traveling, and just last week she gave her two weeks notice to our company. She is leaving work to travel around the world and write a book. To travel around the world, she has booked a Round the World Ticket. Many airlines offer it, and it isn’t even that expensive. For around $2000, you get 6 to 8 flights that take you to destinations around the world.

You can pick a pre-defined itinerary or customize your route. For example, one route is New York – Frankfurt – Cape Town – Kuala Lumpur – Bali (Denpasar) – Singapore – Bangkok – Hong Kong – New York. This is definitely more than just a quick get-away, but it can help cure the wanderlust you’ve had for quite some time. For now, I’ll be happy with my week-long cruise but one day I want to try this Round the World Ticket. It makes traveling around the world a bit more do-able!

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Alphas Can Make Any Sport Sexy

By Guest Blogger Amyrae

Alright alphas, whether you like bowling, watching baseball or immersing yourself in the heated match up of the Superbowl, being able to share your passions with your man is always a plus.

Think of the opportunities presented when you can demonstrate your alpha energy through yet another outlet.  Besides, a woman who is into sports is sexy to a man, it shows she’s active and motivated, not to mention probably fit.  I’m not sure where I read it, but I believe it’s probably true that couples who exercise together have more sex together.  Think about this, if you challenge your man to a game of one on one basketball, and can impress him with your game, or even if you suck, just wear your shortest sexiest shorts for a helpful distraction…that close physical contact and sweat and shit talk…it’s all just foreplay.

Not the sweaty type?  Take your man to an NBA game and enjoy each other’s company over cold beers and dogs.  You still get to look at hot sweaty men on the court and having your man by your side, excited with all the action, you can’t go wrong.  Even if you’re just hanging out at home on the couch watching the game, the compatibility just makes it easier to enjoy each other more often.

For all the single ladies, getting into sports is a great way to meet men too.  Do a little research and head out to a sports bar, there’s nothing sexier to a man than a chick who can talk sports.  You could even join a co-ed league, softball, kickball, ping pong… all great ways to meet men and have fun while your at it…the possibilities are endless.

Here are some great sports to engage with a partner:

*Tennis- Get into a competitive challenge with your man, or partner up for the next mixed doubles tournament.  Tennis skirts are sexy!

*Bike riding- Head out to explore the city on bikes,..and it’s always fun to have a destination or two to stop off along the way for adventure sake.

*Golf- Think hours alone with your man in peace and quiet.  There are plenty of vacation destinations that cater to the golf enthusiast too, a nice hobby to take along on a trip to paradise.

*Hiking- How about a trip to the mountains?  Another great way to spend time alone with your man out in the spoils of nature.  Pack a picnic and have one of the more scenic lunches of your life.

*Swimming- It’s always fun to splash around in a bikini with the full attention of your man.  It’s a great way to exercise too, and whether you are at the beach body surfing, or racing across a pool, there are always ways to make it competitive and fun.

Amyrae is in Brooklyn, NY and an aspiring writer, humanitarian, world traveler, and philanthropist living and loving life one day at a time, checking things off of her ever expanding TO DO list.

Give Your Relationship A Makeover

By Guest Blogger Mila

For those Alphanistas in long-term relationships, you know that sometimes you can fall into a rut. Keep the spark going in your relationship by being creative. Relationships take work, but they stay fun as long as you make them fun.

Turn the Heat on in Bed

Last but not least…forget about the daily grind and take a spontaneous day off to spend in bed together. Try something that you haven’t tried before (a new outfit, toy, or game). Or do the champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries route if you prefer. Pamper yourselves with massages and a hot bath, and do whatever you please. Keep the mood romantic with candles, soft music, and plush robes. No clothes allowed.

Share a Hobby

Everyone has different hobbies, and most often your hobbies differ from your significant other’s hobbies. This is good because it gives you something to do on your own and some space from each other. But, it could also be fun to pick a shared hobby that you do together. It can be anything from playing competitive Scrabble to fixing a car together. Whatever the hobby, you’ll find yourselves enjoying the time spent together.

Be Weekend Warriors

Vacations are a fun way to bond with your significant other. You can relax and explore new surroundings, while learning more about each other. However, not all of us can escape to Aruba on a whim. So, try taking road-trips to nearby destinations or exploring the cities and towns you live in. I lived in NYC for awhile before I ventured to some of the museums here. There are lots of things to explore. So grab your loved one and go check things out. A great website to help you find things to do is http://www.thingstodo.com/, where you can search by state.

Take a Couples Class

No, I don’t mean couples therapy. I’m talking about couples cooking classes or dance classes. Lots of places offer classes that you can take with your significant other. You can learn how to make sushi together or how to ballroom dance. Fun classes take your mind off your everyday work, and give you both a chance to learn something new. Plus, it’s also a great way to make some new friends.

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

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