Weekend Rewind: ADVICE: I Want To Be A Submissive Woman

Enjoy a classic!

(Due to the popularity of this blog it has been extended. LMAO) I have a situation. To the outside world, I have a good, successful man who takes care of me. But unbeknownst to everyone, I am the one who is paying all the bills, making all the decisions and basically running sh*t. He’s a complete doormat. He makes good money, but sometimes, I wonder why I need him. I make good money, too. Sometimes, I just want to kick back and know that my man is handling everything and that I can trust him. Even in social situations, I have to talk the most and have to keep things interesting. As a black woman, I feel I have to be strong all the time, but I am tired of it frankly. It’s been three years. Lately, I’ve been seeing a dominant man who has completely taken over me. I can’t think about anything else. I’ve had relationships like this before, and I love being a submissive woman. I feel more like myself, trust myself more, and safe. I’m afraid to tell anyone about how I feel. What should I do? Am I wrong for wanting this?

Fondly,
Suzette*

Dear Suzette,

Hell no. Who in the world wants to live with a shell of a man? He’s just your man, not your husband. Maybe you need to move on. Sometimes, life takes us to different places at the most inopportune time. Don’t feel guilty because you want a certain kind of man that 40% of women cannot handle and the other 60% of women lie about not wanting. You want to be dominated. You want a man to take complete control of your mind, body, and soul. You want to submit to a man. Nothing wrong with that. Lets a sister breathe a little. Just make sure it’s willful submission, which it sounds like. It is not being subservient which means a relationship where one is lesser than the other.

Our culture makes women feel weak and perverse for thinking like this. Throughout nature, you’ll see that all animal relationships are based the balance of submission and dominance. Understand that when you submit completely to a man, you obey and trust him wholeheartedly. Many women try to find this type of connection with a man online or by cheating because they don’t get it at home.

Being a submissive woman is not about being in a weakened state, but being in a completely empowered state with full understanding of your feminine power. It’s about learning the most efficient ways to communicate issues for the benefit of yourself and others. This is not for every woman or every man. Surprisingly, many men see this as a demand or are intimidated when a woman tells them she wants to be submissive. You can’t make a man accept your submission. If you want to work on your current man, you’ll have to give him time to develop his natural instincts. Women define men on an intimate and emotional level. Once a man knows what your expectations are, he can plan accordingly.

I’m no expert on this. Seek out a group where they can teach you how to behave like this most effectively because with the wrong instruction you can just make a mess out of things. Also, very few men know how to appreciate a submissive woman without being mean and condescending. A man should feel worthy of your submission. Whether it’s the sidepiece you’re seeing now or not, choose a good man who values this behavior and doesn’t take it for granted. Dominant types are usually Alpha-males, masculine men who are very aware of a woman’s discreet power.

The best teacher is usually a partner who is naturally dominant in an instinctual way, not performed or forced. Many women believe that being submissive provides them a sense of safety. It is also a behavior many women choose to adopt. Even in life, when we accept things as they are or stop fighting against it, everything falls into place. It’s when we “give up” that we win. It’s not about being right or wrong anymore. There’s more power in silence, than there is in words.

Best, MR

*Name has been changed to protect privacy. (Note: This is a letter I received from a reader recently; I’ll start posting more advice letters soon)

Good Life: Zanzibar

“An alpha female traveling alone always finds people who want to take care of her”—Anonymous

By Guest Blogger Amyrae

I’ve found that the most gratifying way to experience culture while traveling, is to do it through the eyes of the locals.

Whether you go with a friend who is a native of the land, or you make acquaintances with the bartender from the hotel bar, being exposed and open to the everyday happenings of life with a local offers unparalleled cultural learning.

On a recent trip to Zanzibar I had an interesting encounter with a Masai transvestite, which I could never have anticipated prior to befriending some local fishermen at a bonfire on the beach in Paje.  It all started innocently enough…they were cooking up the catch of the day and offered me my first taste of barracuda and a nice cold beer to go with it.  Hours and many introductions later they filled the fire pit with sand and said that they were moving on to party at an all night disco and asked if I wanted to come along.  The local females who had joined the group by this point were also very friendly and welcoming, so I felt plenty comfortable accepting their invitation.

In typical Zanzibari fashion, we chased down a ride along the road out of town, piled in on top of laps, cargo, even a chicken, and headed to the disco.   Shaking it to the Bongo flava and Taraab beats, I found myself dancing next to an elaborately dressed Masai woman who had her own exotic moves to share.  It was one of those thrilling moments that really makes you appreciate all the excitement life has to offer!  It wasn’t until one of the Muslim men that I arrived with became agitated that I stepped away to show my respect.  I had no idea what his problem was at the time, I was having a blast, but looking out for my way back home, I didn’t want to upset him.  After his revelation that “that is not a woman” I couldn’t help but see the humor in the situation and I was awed once again at the cultural experience and learning.

Another great way to meet and experience local culture is to seek out the popular pastime activity.  In Paje it happened to be scuba diving.  I went to the dive center, located right on the beach, and although I soon realized that the excursions were a little out of my budget, I befriended a few of the dive instructors who were happy to entertain me with their underwater adventure stories.  Once again, after hours of great conversation, they invited me out for beers and local cuisine at a spot far more interesting, not to mention affordable, than the resort setting I’d been staying in.  Another night of dancing, great food, great company, and even an invitation to go snorkeling the next day (for free) left me feeling like a local…and by the end of the week I had an invitation to become one.  It was a tough offer to resist!

Amyrae is in Brooklyn, NY and an aspiring writer, humanitarian, world traveler, and philanthropist living and loving life one day at a time, checking things off of her ever expanding TO DO list.

Ladies, Stop Second Guessing Your Man

By Guest Blogger Mila

Doubts? About my man? Never.

Well…

All of us, even the most confident Alphanistas, have doubts about our relationships at times. We can drive ourselves mad questioning little things. However, it is not ok to snoop. I know some ladies who disagree and think snooping in their man’s email or Facebook account once in awhile is ok. They just casually search through messages and pictures, digging for dirt.

I don’t think that’s ok. Even if you know his passwords snooping like that is still a breach of privacy, and it’s just downright low. And yes, if he has his email password auto-saved to your computer, it still isn’t ok for you to log in. Beware, if you start snooping it’ll become a bad habit, and you’ll find that you have to do it more often to keep peace of mind. Even if your man is completely innocent, you may start to doubt little things like if that friend is really just a friend. That’s a sign that you’re going crazy.

It’s never ok to snoop around because you wouldn’t want it to happen to you. How would you feel if you knew your man was searching through all your private messages and emails? Plus if you go looking for dirt, you may just find some. Then what? If your man is up to no good, it will eventually surface. You don’t have to go looking for it. Alphas don’t snoop. We keep our heads up and stay confident. If you have doubts about your man, confront him. He’ll tell you straight up. If he’s lying, you’ll find out.

Check out this performance from a poetry slam. She puts it perfectly.

Snooping and second-guessing leads to trouble and even self-doubt. So just leave it alone and just live life freely without doubts. If you’re going to do any type of digging, dig for gold not dirt.

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Olympic Alphanistas?

By Guest Blogger Mila

I admire athletes for their hard work and extreme dedication to their sports.

They train hard and try to push their bodies to attain peak physical conditions. They also know that at anytime one serious injury can mean an end to their sporting careers. The Olympics showcase the world’s best athletes and bring them together to compete.

There are several female Olympic athletes who are in the spotlight and competing in this year’s Winter Olympics. I think they are awesome role models for all Alphanistas. I’ll be cheering for these two favorites:

Lindsey Jacobellis

Jacobellis is a snowboarder and well known for her 2006 Winter Olympics silver medal. She started snowboarding at age 11 and was first invited to compete in the X Games at age 15. If it had not been for a fall after attempting a difficult maneuver, she would have won gold. Settling for sliver at the time, she vowed to return to the Olympics and go for the gold. She is doing exactly that this year and hopes to be on that top podium. Today at age 24, Jacobellis loves snowboarding, but she also loves fashion, reading, and movies. Despite all her bulky snowboarding gear, she always tries to standout with a scarf in her hair or a colorful accessory. In a male-dominated sport, she has been dubbed the golden girl. She is definitely one to watch out for on the slopes.

Rachel Flatt

Flatt is a figure skater and 2010 U.S. national champion. She began skating at the age of 4 and is known for her bubbly personality and her amazing performances on ice. MAC Cosmetics has also signed Flatt on an endorsement because she is stylish and always smiling. Oh, and by the way she is only 17. Yup, an Olympic contender, national ice-skating champion, and major makeup company endorsee at the ripe old age of 17. Vanity Fair recently interviewed her and asked what the hardest part of being a young athlete is. She replied, “In some ways being so young is a great advantage. You don’t have expectations, only goals based upon your training. It is difficult to go from relative anonymity as a figure skater to being in the spotlight. It takes time to adjust to that. My friends at school and at the rink keep me grounded!”

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Friends Are Your Friends Until They Become Uncomfortable

You ever noticed that?

Uncomfortable could mean that moment when  a friend is forced to look at you or their life “differently”.    Suddenly when you start experiencing happiness, or even sadness, or perhaps a personality weakness they disappear.  Or they begin to feel the rawness of the relationship that people are people and you should just let them be who they are.  I don’t expect “perfection” from any of my friends.  I like some more than others.  When I used to see friends argue and come back together, I used to wonder “what’s the point?”  Why be with a friend you have to argue with?  But like a romantic relationship, friendship experiences its own stresses.  I may be guilty about not reaching out enough when I hurt someone.

But how do I know if I did, if they don’t tell me?  That is the purest friendship–honesty, ready or not!

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