A Little (Lukewarm) Tea For Today…

Is it just me, or does Lamar’s head looked photoshopped on this cover?

I have spent too many hours staring at a computer screen. So don’t mind me

(back to working on novel!)

ADVICE: He Doesn’t Want Kids!

Dear Alphanista,

I live with this man who is an answer to my dreams.

I am 37, and he is 52.    We have been together for 5 years.  He takes care of it all.  He adores me, and we share so much in common.  We are not engaged, but want to be.  And get married, of course. However, I cannot bring myself to decide if I am ready.  He told me many times he does not want kids at all.  No adoption, no nothing.  He has 1 son who is 25.  He claims his heart condition may mean he will die early and I will be stuck raising them.  I don’t think it is that serious or deep.  I

think he just doesn’t want to be inconvenienced.  I have no children.  I want some desperately.  I have been with him hoping he’d just get me pregnant.  I even went off the pill, but he somehow sensed it, and we argued.  I’m back on it.  But I am ready to just let anyone get me pregnant! I want a child, but I do not want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me.  What do I do???

Pain and Pleasure,

*Rachel

____________________

Leave.

From Alphanista w/Love,

Maryann

Six Things To Do When Other Women Worship You

By Guest Blogger Toi

As an Alphanista, you are at the top of the food chain.

You know it, and so do other women. You look like you have things together, and sometimes friends and associates envy this and try to adapt your style for themselves.  And as last week’s “Clingy” post suggested, women are watching you.  Though this is rampant among younger women still searching for themselves, older women experience the same thing, but it is more disguised.

Your role as a leader, mover and shaker makes you susceptible to  being copied by others. While this can feel strange, here are a few ways to deal with women who try to become you.

1. Continue to be yourself. You’re the original, an imitation can never beat that. Eventually the copycat will find someone else to emulate.

2. If you don’t like conflict, take the non-confrontational approach. Don’t put her on blast. Although she’s the one copying  your style, be the bigger person.

3. Switch the style up. Take the Madonna approach and change things up every once in awhile. If you’re constantly evolving, its too hard for others to keep up with you. Don unique items that are hard to find. Which leads to my next point…

4. DO NOT take the copycat shopping with you. That’s just giving her the bait. Go shopping alone, or with another person who isn’t a copycat. Shop at independent stores and avoid malls and department stores.

5. If you feel the need to acknowledge it, confront her. Say something like, “Wow, I wore that same look last week,” while giving her a direct look. “I must be a positive influence on you.” She’ll be caught off guard that you called her out, and she may back down. If not, at least you let her know that you know what she’s doing. Or as an alternative…

6. Come to the realization that you must be pretty fly if someone wants to be emulate you. In life, in business, it’s natural for others to imitate what appears successful and unique.

You clearly have it going on!  We can’t control others, we can only control ourselves. Don’t let a copycat bother you, continue to be your best self. Eventually she’ll find someone else to suck the life out of. While she can copy, she can’t be you.

Guest Blogger Toi Duckworth is a sophisticated b-girl from Los Angeles who dishes on urban lifestyle topics via her blog, http://hiphopmuse.com. For unique ways of living life (on the edge, sometimes) get How To Do Almost Anything Like An Alphanista here.  Download instantly!

POLL: Would You Get Married In Less Than A Year?

We all know a “certain couple” got married this weekend.

No one seems to be as interested on who these two are, as they are interested in how long they knew each other.  Some say it wasn’t long enough.  One month?  I was checking the amount of hateful posts online about it.  All, from women.  Now, let’s take it a level further, away from this “celebrity couple”.  On a day to day basis, many women will never experience to security and feeling of a man who wants you to be his wife.

It is true that women want to get married in almost every good relationship.  Men, not so much.  When men get that feeling, they operate on it asap.  I even heard one call it “an emergency”.   It’s a little different for women, because they are used to waiting until the man asks or feels the same way.   Trust me, very few women can drag a man to an altar who is NOT ready.

Will you really ever get to know someone?  Couples have been together for years 20 or more, and have divorced.  Couples marry and meet in days and stay married for decades.  When I hear folks say they “need time” they are just looking for somebody to mess up to prove why they stay single.  It’s called sabotage.  Most find what they are looking for.

With that said, there is no time limit for stuff in life.  Except, waffles need to be toasted 3-5 minutes.

Take this poll, keeping in mind that you are with the “right” person!

Weekend Rewind: I Don’t Owe Women Anything! Part II

Wow, remember the drama with this one!? Enjoy!

By Guestblogger, Deja Moore

I don’t expect a bunch of women to agree with me.

I didn’t start this post to make friends, build alliances.  I know how women like to group together and agree with each other for safety and acceptance. I am not that woman.  I believe that every woman is for herself in this world.  We should help each other how we can, but when it comes to men, babies and family, I will start an all our war.

Remember that saying: All is fair in love and war.  That didn’t come out of a cereal box, it came from experience and real life.  You can go ahead and believe that watching your “sister’s” back is going to help you with karma or whatever, but that is not how the game of life is won.  Women need to prioritize and stop pleasing everyone, but themselves.

Why do I feel this way?  Am I lonely? Bitter?  I will take a woman’s man, I will date a friend’s ex, I will conspire to have the man I want.  So what?  My mother met my daddy this way.  They have been married for 27 years.  They are soulmates.  When she met him, he was already in a relationship, two months from his wedding.  His family really liked her, and she had a “chance” meeting with him before he walked down the aisle.  He called off the wedding, and married his soulmate.  Thank God, or I and my brothers and sisters wouldn’t be here!  As for that “other” woman, she found somebody too.

So, you see, nobody got hurt, nobody got the karma boogey man knocking on their door.  In some Carib and Hispanic cultures like mine (Panamanian) the women live like this everyday, and have no problem getting men. And I’m not talking about being the jump off, I’m talking about being THE woman in his life.

Now for your comments from last week.

I TAKE OTHER WOMEN’S MEN

No, I do not not.  I simply make myself available.  If they choose to partake, then the men will do so.  Love changes. He has a right to choose me.  No matter what.

I HATE WOMEN

I have several friends, not many though, and I rather keep it that way.  To be honest, if I had a bunch of girlfriends with fine men, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.  They’ll be lots of broken hearts.  I’m an assertive flirt.  The girls who hang with me now, know it.  I have no shame.  And their boyfriends are scared as hell of me.  Not surprised.  I lost friends, but there is more to gain.

I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM

Another bull crap excuse from women who try to explain my behavior.  My self esteem is high, too high.  Why else would I be doing this?  I believe in my power as a woman over a man, and I use it.  It doesn’t define me, because I am also educated, have my own company, house, and other assets.

MY FATHER LEFT ME

No, he didn’t.

ANOTHER WOMAN MAY STEAL MY MAN

And the world turns.  Life moves on.  Sure, I’d be hurt.  But I move on.  Especially when I think every man is available.  Actually my boo boo right now is very conservative and he knows my ways.  He’s very protective and he does love me a “bit more”. That’s how it should be.  I chased him, he caught me.

I’M DESPERATE

No.

And, I do have a man I’m in a long term, stable relationship with.  I met him through a “friend”.   And we are happy.

If you are reading this and are single, please stop punishing yourself that all the good men are taken.  They are not.  They are waiting for the next best thing.  Not all women can meet a single, available man at the job, at school, or at the party.   Women have power, and if we use it right we can have any man on this earth.  Just make sure you don’t tell your girlfriends who are like sheep.  Women hate women at the end of the day, and will never 100% have your best interests, only your mama most of the time.  The only way another woman would want you to be 100% happy, if she is 250% happy.  Is that real friendship?

Wake up.

Guestblogger Deja Moore is a mother, currently in a long term relationship, and owns a small business catering to mommies with newborns aka day care center.

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